I no longer love my husband and feel I stay in the marriage for everyone but me. My husband had 2 affairs - one several months and the other longer than 2.5 years. We are almost 3 years post discovery.
On discovery the only person my husband cared about being hurt was his AP. He torn my world apart and seemed totally immune to my pain. I can hardly even think of the conversation that occurred that night without feeling distressed at the traumatic and cold way he disclosed the affairs to me. I think something in me died at that time. Then for the next year he lied, minimised, justified and blamed and I slowly stopped caring and loving him.
Eleven months out I told him to go - I was done. It was like a new man took the place of the awful person he had become. Suddenly he loved me again, was prepared to tell me anything I needed to know and was desperate to do "anything" to put things right.
I decided to try for a bit longer, our daughter was getting married, our younger boys still at school and he (husband) had suicidal depression. Since, we have been in counselling and really in many ways he is easier to live with than he has ever been. He tries harder, is more thoughtful (he has always been quite a selfish person so this is huge) and continues counselling. BUT I still don't love him, the best I can do is feel fondness for him and our shared history. I feel like I am staying in the marriage for everyone but me. It isn't terrible just "meh". I feel obligated to stay - it has been 3 years and he tries hard and loves me [now] - how can this be a basis for marriage? At what point can I pull the plug?
I don't love him, should I have to stay?
I no longer love my husband and feel I stay in the marriage for everyone but me. My husband had 2 affairs - one several months and the other longer than 2.5 years. We are almost 3 years post discovery.
On discovery the only person my husband cared about being hurt was his AP. He torn my world apart and seemed totally immune to my pain. I can hardly even think of the conversation that occurred that night without feeling distressed at the traumatic and cold way he disclosed the affairs to me. I think something in me died at that time. Then for the next year he lied, minimised, justified and blamed and I slowly stopped caring and loving him.
Eleven months out I told him to go - I was done. It was like a new man took the place of the awful person he had become. Suddenly he loved me again, was prepared to tell me anything I needed to know and was desperate to do "anything" to put things right.
I decided to try for a bit longer, our daughter was getting married, our younger boys still at school and he (husband) had suicidal depression. Since, we have been in counselling and really in many ways he is easier to live with than he has ever been. He tries harder, is more thoughtful (he has always been quite a selfish person so this is huge) and continues counselling. BUT I still don't love him, the best I can do is feel fondness for him and our shared history. I feel like I am staying in the marriage for everyone but me. It isn't terrible just "meh". I feel obligated to stay - it has been 3 years and he tries hard and loves me [now] - how can this be a basis for marriage? At what point can I pull the plug?