I am more than two years out from discovery. Though obviously my resentment and issues are still present, I'm not on that emotional roller coaster any longer. It faded with time, but it has taken all of two years to get there. I still have moments (many times a day) of flashbacks and sometimes I get visibly shaken by it. Sometimes I cannot look at my wife due to the disgust...but that is not as deep, painful or prolonged as it used to be. In the end, here is the one thing you will have to accept.....There is no honest, good or legitimate reason for the "why".
It is just something you have to decide to live, or not live, with.
Many times, it could just be the desire for attention. As a guy, we are often just STUPID ...simply paying attention to women who fawn over us or make us feel intellectually or physically superior. It's all about insecurity on our part. I had it happen to me, but I rebuffed the woman's advances. My wife had it happen to her, she chose to have an affair. For me that decision is about moral character....Do I want to be with someone who would ever do this to me? That is my pending question.
Please give yourself time to come down off the roller coaster and starting seeing things clearly. Choose to find that clarity of mind and gain control of yourself, in order to make a rational and logical decision. Don't base any decision on your feelings now. I know you don't trust them, and you shouldn't....You're in protection mode and this anguish will cloud any judgement about your relationship. It may take a while, but you will find yourself on more stable ground and then you will be ready to face your future.
Please know there are many people who feel your pain. If we could, we would reach out and hug you.
2 years out
I am more than two years out from discovery. Though obviously my resentment and issues are still present, I'm not on that emotional roller coaster any longer. It faded with time, but it has taken all of two years to get there. I still have moments (many times a day) of flashbacks and sometimes I get visibly shaken by it. Sometimes I cannot look at my wife due to the disgust...but that is not as deep, painful or prolonged as it used to be. In the end, here is the one thing you will have to accept.....There is no honest, good or legitimate reason for the "why".
It is just something you have to decide to live, or not live, with.
Many times, it could just be the desire for attention. As a guy, we are often just STUPID ...simply paying attention to women who fawn over us or make us feel intellectually or physically superior. It's all about insecurity on our part. I had it happen to me, but I rebuffed the woman's advances. My wife had it happen to her, she chose to have an affair. For me that decision is about moral character....Do I want to be with someone who would ever do this to me? That is my pending question.
Please give yourself time to come down off the roller coaster and starting seeing things clearly. Choose to find that clarity of mind and gain control of yourself, in order to make a rational and logical decision. Don't base any decision on your feelings now. I know you don't trust them, and you shouldn't....You're in protection mode and this anguish will cloud any judgement about your relationship. It may take a while, but you will find yourself on more stable ground and then you will be ready to face your future.
Please know there are many people who feel your pain. If we could, we would reach out and hug you.