Those 5 points can also apply to a betrayed spouse who decides to stay in their marriage. Even with the new strengths that come from rebuilding our relationship, I still have much doubt about her. All of these points seem to apply to how I now feel about my life and my spouse.
* I don't trust her or my perception of her - Before the affair there were issues, but everything appeared normal and yet she slept with this person. Today she does many things just the same and looks exactly the same as she did then. She was faking it then, is she faking it now?
* Triggers are constantly coming to light - Whether it is our house, something she says, a song, or even during sex she might touch me in a way that makes me wonder if she did the same with her AP.
* Jealousy was never an issue. I trusted and believed in her blindly. Now, I don't trust when she's alone. I recently figured out a past scenario where she snuck off to see her AP (before the affair came to light) under the guise of going shopping. Now I panic every time she leaves the house.
* Risk is not something that I will ever take again, not even with my wife. I trusted her openly and even tried to warn her. I had faith. She failed me. I won't let that happen again.
* I see everything with a negative lens. If she makes a comment "I'm all yours", I privately snip that it isn't true since she gave herself to another man. She acts shy or coy and I think "You weren't that innocent when you were taking those pictures or wrote those words". I see women who have much more difficult lives and think about how my wife isn't nearly as worthy as these women who chose to remain faithful and work through their issues.
Honestly - I love this woman, but this not a way that any man wants to envision his wife (as a cliche). I am so disappointed in her decisions and ashamed of what she did. Right now, it feels that I may never be able to forgive her.
those 5 points
Those 5 points can also apply to a betrayed spouse who decides to stay in their marriage. Even with the new strengths that come from rebuilding our relationship, I still have much doubt about her. All of these points seem to apply to how I now feel about my life and my spouse.
* I don't trust her or my perception of her - Before the affair there were issues, but everything appeared normal and yet she slept with this person. Today she does many things just the same and looks exactly the same as she did then. She was faking it then, is she faking it now?
* Triggers are constantly coming to light - Whether it is our house, something she says, a song, or even during sex she might touch me in a way that makes me wonder if she did the same with her AP.
* Jealousy was never an issue. I trusted and believed in her blindly. Now, I don't trust when she's alone. I recently figured out a past scenario where she snuck off to see her AP (before the affair came to light) under the guise of going shopping. Now I panic every time she leaves the house.
* Risk is not something that I will ever take again, not even with my wife. I trusted her openly and even tried to warn her. I had faith. She failed me. I won't let that happen again.
* I see everything with a negative lens. If she makes a comment "I'm all yours", I privately snip that it isn't true since she gave herself to another man. She acts shy or coy and I think "You weren't that innocent when you were taking those pictures or wrote those words". I see women who have much more difficult lives and think about how my wife isn't nearly as worthy as these women who chose to remain faithful and work through their issues.
Honestly - I love this woman, but this not a way that any man wants to envision his wife (as a cliche). I am so disappointed in her decisions and ashamed of what she did. Right now, it feels that I may never be able to forgive her.