It’s on him, not you

One sentence in your thoughtful comment really stood out to me as a fellow betrayed spouse 2.5 years since DD. You said you have to deal forever what he did to you. I get that sentiment and felt the same. One thing that helped was the realization that my spouse didn’t do anything to me. Rather she did it to herself! It’s a comment on her character and poor decision making at the time. Not mine. What a fool, so to speak, for ruining a great relationship. I have forgiven for that. Does your husband know how bad he hurt himself in your eyes? Has he forgiven himself for damaging the marriage? For knocking himself down a few notches in your eyes? Anyway—just thought a different perspective may help you.