How do we get over what has been done to us, the betrayed. It’s taken me a year to be able to say this but there isn’t anything we ourselves can do. If they choose (as my CS has) to hold you accountable for their choices that is their problem. They are the ones who destroyed the marriage, destroyed their spouse and destroyed their lives. I cannot make my husband stop blaming me or the situations he found himself in at the time where he CHOOSE ( not made a mistake) to betray me. You cannot make them feel remorse or empathy. They either will or they won’t. I have decided I will not accept blame or his blaming external situations. I do not feel remorse or empathy from my husband and I do not feel he is sorry. I feel he is sorry he got caught. But I have been meditating going to church and have decided to now look inward. Why? Because I am no longer the person I once was and because the person I have become I don’t like. So for right now I am concentrating on healing myself , breaking unhealthy bonds ( like my obsession with the OW) and ridding my self of negative attributes that have become part of my new personality. Maybe that will change him, maybe it won’t. Maybe he is a sociopath lol. The things he has done and said to me are reprehensible and will never be forgiven unless he decides to change himself. Whatever happens though remember. You stayed faithful you stayed true in the eyes of God and everyone else , you are beautiful and he cannot and should not take that away from you. I am not throwing the towel in yet. We are in therapy and individual therapy. But maybe count what blessing you have and decide what and will allow you to forgive him and move forward or move forward alone
Do unto others
How do we get over what has been done to us, the betrayed. It’s taken me a year to be able to say this but there isn’t anything we ourselves can do. If they choose (as my CS has) to hold you accountable for their choices that is their problem. They are the ones who destroyed the marriage, destroyed their spouse and destroyed their lives. I cannot make my husband stop blaming me or the situations he found himself in at the time where he CHOOSE ( not made a mistake) to betray me. You cannot make them feel remorse or empathy. They either will or they won’t. I have decided I will not accept blame or his blaming external situations. I do not feel remorse or empathy from my husband and I do not feel he is sorry. I feel he is sorry he got caught. But I have been meditating going to church and have decided to now look inward. Why? Because I am no longer the person I once was and because the person I have become I don’t like. So for right now I am concentrating on healing myself , breaking unhealthy bonds ( like my obsession with the OW) and ridding my self of negative attributes that have become part of my new personality. Maybe that will change him, maybe it won’t. Maybe he is a sociopath lol. The things he has done and said to me are reprehensible and will never be forgiven unless he decides to change himself. Whatever happens though remember. You stayed faithful you stayed true in the eyes of God and everyone else , you are beautiful and he cannot and should not take that away from you. I am not throwing the towel in yet. We are in therapy and individual therapy. But maybe count what blessing you have and decide what and will allow you to forgive him and move forward or move forward alone