I am so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing I too know it well. Kindred spirits unwillingly encamped in the crappiest club on earth.
I can only offer a bit of a revelation I’ve had recently that has changed how I feel. Not how my marriage is, but this is about recovery for all parties.
It came like thunder into my heart and head after experiencing years of triggers, sleeplessness, etc. essentially the total package I hadn’t ordered or signed for. I have stayed but it was for my family that I did. My children were not going to be collateral damage if I had anything to do with how this was going to play. However, in my heart and my soul when disclosure came; for me my marriage was over. Now for the interesting part of this too familiar experience.
My marriage was over. Sad, horrible but finally accepting it and not trying to rationalize the irrational, beating the dead horse and figuring out how I could fix it, just putting that chapter in the shredder has actually lifted me out of the crazy I had been living everyday.
I am still here, still married but am taking my time. I went back in time and took my peace back, that relationship had stolen the very essence of my spirit.
I know I deserve better, I am working to find it in the marriage I have but fully realizing I can not revive the dead one nor do I wish to.
It has helped to end the struggle and bleeding. To start “dating” my husband again. It’s starting over with new eyes. Clearer eyes at that. Where it goes, no one can know but I am honoring myself in the process.
Prayers for you and your journey to reclaiming your peace. You deserve it back.
In truth
I am so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing I too know it well. Kindred spirits unwillingly encamped in the crappiest club on earth.
I can only offer a bit of a revelation I’ve had recently that has changed how I feel. Not how my marriage is, but this is about recovery for all parties.
It came like thunder into my heart and head after experiencing years of triggers, sleeplessness, etc. essentially the total package I hadn’t ordered or signed for. I have stayed but it was for my family that I did. My children were not going to be collateral damage if I had anything to do with how this was going to play. However, in my heart and my soul when disclosure came; for me my marriage was over. Now for the interesting part of this too familiar experience.
My marriage was over. Sad, horrible but finally accepting it and not trying to rationalize the irrational, beating the dead horse and figuring out how I could fix it, just putting that chapter in the shredder has actually lifted me out of the crazy I had been living everyday.
I am still here, still married but am taking my time. I went back in time and took my peace back, that relationship had stolen the very essence of my spirit.
I know I deserve better, I am working to find it in the marriage I have but fully realizing I can not revive the dead one nor do I wish to.
It has helped to end the struggle and bleeding. To start “dating” my husband again. It’s starting over with new eyes. Clearer eyes at that. Where it goes, no one can know but I am honoring myself in the process.
Prayers for you and your journey to reclaiming your peace. You deserve it back.