To begin I hate what you’ve gone through and I want to apologize if something in Wayne’s message caused you to feel blamed. What you’ve gone through is horrible and I can’t imagine the pain you’re experiencing.
Also I agree that you are in no way responsible for either of your husband’s actions The last thing I would want is for you to feel I am somehow blaming you for what occurred. I hate that the men in your life have put you through this.
There two things I’d like to respond to:
You asked, “Will I ever be trigger free from either of these situations?”
I know it's possible because I know of many who have been able to heal to the point where they no longer have triggers. Those I know who’ve healed from traumatic memories were fortunate to find therapist who possessed the necessary tools to help them, heal. One of the most vexing realities of traumatic memories is the fact that they can hold an emotional charge for a life time, but with community, and the right treatment traumatic memories can be healed.
You also said: “And when people say that their marriage is better after an affair...lies. Once a covenant is broke, it will never be back to before it was hurt.” I agree, after a covenant is broken there has to be something new.
I also believe most people think it’s impossible for a marriage to be better after an affair. I actually interviewed a couple yesterday who said when they first heard that statement, after coming to Affair Recovery, they felt there was no way that could happen, but now four years later that’s exactly what they had experienced.
However, it’s not true in all situations. Sadly it takes two and tragically one spouse is often left to do the work alone because their mate is either unwilling to do the work or they abandon their commitment to the marriage making recovery for the remaining spouse far more difficult.
Rebuilding something from the ashes of a relationship destroyed by infidelity requires a community capable of helping carry the load and healed individuals who can help provide hope and direction. If Stephanie and I had not encountered a couple whose marriage was better after the affair than before I’m not sure we would have believed it possible. Their support and coaching were critical parts of our recovery. If you were to ask Stephanie to compare our current marriage against our marriage prior to the affair she would tell you that she wasn't that fond of her first husband, but she's really likes her second husband.
I can tell you’re really hurting, but please don’t give up hope. Our hearts desire is to help you not only recover from this but to equip you to find a new life of meaning and purpose.
You’re not to blame!
To begin I hate what you’ve gone through and I want to apologize if something in Wayne’s message caused you to feel blamed. What you’ve gone through is horrible and I can’t imagine the pain you’re experiencing.
Also I agree that you are in no way responsible for either of your husband’s actions The last thing I would want is for you to feel I am somehow blaming you for what occurred. I hate that the men in your life have put you through this.
There two things I’d like to respond to:
You asked, “Will I ever be trigger free from either of these situations?”
I know it's possible because I know of many who have been able to heal to the point where they no longer have triggers. Those I know who’ve healed from traumatic memories were fortunate to find therapist who possessed the necessary tools to help them, heal. One of the most vexing realities of traumatic memories is the fact that they can hold an emotional charge for a life time, but with community, and the right treatment traumatic memories can be healed.
You also said: “And when people say that their marriage is better after an affair...lies. Once a covenant is broke, it will never be back to before it was hurt.” I agree, after a covenant is broken there has to be something new.
I also believe most people think it’s impossible for a marriage to be better after an affair. I actually interviewed a couple yesterday who said when they first heard that statement, after coming to Affair Recovery, they felt there was no way that could happen, but now four years later that’s exactly what they had experienced.
However, it’s not true in all situations. Sadly it takes two and tragically one spouse is often left to do the work alone because their mate is either unwilling to do the work or they abandon their commitment to the marriage making recovery for the remaining spouse far more difficult.
Rebuilding something from the ashes of a relationship destroyed by infidelity requires a community capable of helping carry the load and healed individuals who can help provide hope and direction. If Stephanie and I had not encountered a couple whose marriage was better after the affair than before I’m not sure we would have believed it possible. Their support and coaching were critical parts of our recovery. If you were to ask Stephanie to compare our current marriage against our marriage prior to the affair she would tell you that she wasn't that fond of her first husband, but she's really likes her second husband.
I can tell you’re really hurting, but please don’t give up hope. Our hearts desire is to help you not only recover from this but to equip you to find a new life of meaning and purpose.