sadcheater, thank you for your comment. for starters, reaching back out to the ap only reinforces the covert alliance, or bond you have had. if you are truly cutting ties, you need to make sure you do all you can to maintain that mentality. to go back, only gives a chance to see it all happen all over again. id write them a letter. then burn it. or throw it away or shred it. write it, get it all out on paper, but don't send it. this is a new begining for you and right now, this is all part of the process of coming to your senses and seeing things clearly. you're not fully there, but you're on the right track and there is no reason to reach back out to them to reconnect. it will not make things better, but only worse. not to mention, any contact with the ap will upset your spouse and cause your spouse to question your motives as wlel. the best way to heal is to NEVER have any form of contact with the ap to help your spouse see how committed you are, and show yourself how committed you are. to go backwards, will take both of you backwards.
also, this is a normal stage. you'll need to process the thoughts you are having, and then realize you are not yet where you will one day be. this is a season you are in and part of the sobering up. as you sober up you'll learn mor and more about what you were doing and saying and how you were handling yourself. it's a process to sober up my friend and it takes time to get there. for what it's worth, i'm proud of you. its not easy nor is it always clear, but you're not giving up. we say this a lot here: its not about perfection but progress. you're making progress. if you talk to the ap though, it wil not encourage your spouse you're making progress as you've shown yourself to be untrustworthy, though you are gaining ground and one day you'll win/earn that trust back. it takes time, consistency, open living and dedication. but its more than possible.
how to stop feeling like this...
sadcheater, thank you for your comment. for starters, reaching back out to the ap only reinforces the covert alliance, or bond you have had. if you are truly cutting ties, you need to make sure you do all you can to maintain that mentality. to go back, only gives a chance to see it all happen all over again. id write them a letter. then burn it. or throw it away or shred it. write it, get it all out on paper, but don't send it. this is a new begining for you and right now, this is all part of the process of coming to your senses and seeing things clearly. you're not fully there, but you're on the right track and there is no reason to reach back out to them to reconnect. it will not make things better, but only worse. not to mention, any contact with the ap will upset your spouse and cause your spouse to question your motives as wlel. the best way to heal is to NEVER have any form of contact with the ap to help your spouse see how committed you are, and show yourself how committed you are. to go backwards, will take both of you backwards.
also, this is a normal stage. you'll need to process the thoughts you are having, and then realize you are not yet where you will one day be. this is a season you are in and part of the sobering up. as you sober up you'll learn mor and more about what you were doing and saying and how you were handling yourself. it's a process to sober up my friend and it takes time to get there. for what it's worth, i'm proud of you. its not easy nor is it always clear, but you're not giving up. we say this a lot here: its not about perfection but progress. you're making progress. if you talk to the ap though, it wil not encourage your spouse you're making progress as you've shown yourself to be untrustworthy, though you are gaining ground and one day you'll win/earn that trust back. it takes time, consistency, open living and dedication. but its more than possible.