thank you for your comment. if it's been three years, it's OK. it's not the end of the world. however, it is making things probably harder than it needs to be. to still be where you appear to be at three years, is probably excruciating. i understand how you can be disappointed and have extreme anger towards her, but the answer my friend, is forgiveness. to say what she did is unforgivable, I get it, but i'd disagree. forgiveness is the way out for the betrayed. not cheap, quick, just make them happy forgiveness. but deep seeded, concentrated, willing to forge ahead forgiveness. you'll need help to get there and that kind of forgiveness has layers to it. samantha forged through layer after layer of forgiveness, but she got there and she and I are all the more redeemed and restored for it. forgiveness is for YOU. it sets YOU free. it lets YOU go. it clears YOUR mind, heart and soul my friend. it's a gift you give YOURSELF. it will help you find hope and find freedom. forgiveness does NOT mean you're just turning a blind eye or saying that what she did was OK and ACCEPTABLE, it just means you won't let it imprison you the rest of your life and/or marriage. also, for where you're at, have you given any thought to the ems weekend where these things can be addressed by experts? it saved my life friend and saved our marriage. it's just as dedicated to your healing as it is your wife's healing.
if you're failing fast, cascading down the mountain of hopelessness, you'll need an intervention of some sorts. i know that's a strong word, but it fits for what you're dealing. it's something like the ems weekend that i fully believe in and i know it will help you.
here are a few articles to read from the site on forgiveness as well:
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/forgiving-infidelity-not
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/cost-of-forgiving-infidelity
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayal-and-forgiving-infidelity-the-gift-of-forgiveness
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/forgiving-infidelity-suggestions
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/forgiveness-how-does-seventy-times-seven-work
i hope those work.
if you want more info, you may need to talk to someone at AR and see if you can get some info about the emsw. if you need any other help or insight, feel free to post, i'm happy to help any way I can.
anon2....there is a way out