untold, thank you for the comment and compliment on the writing. i don't pretend to know it all, but i certainly can miss it from time to time. however, in this case I'd maintain the position. i think you should judge the situation that it was wrong and the affair partner was wrong. way out of line. their actions ARE reprehensible for sure. they also deserve 100% of their responsibility, so I'm not excusing their behavior or saying in any way, shape fashion or form that they are not on the hook for their actions. but trashing them about it to your spouse, will not prove productive for the reasons I posted in the article. i don't disagree with your opinions at all. i mean, shoot go for a drive and trash them personally to your self and vent all you need to. take a walk and trash them privately. trashing them to your spouse or in front of your spouse will not help and will for many already said reasons, lead to more clutter and difficulty between you too. I think what you'll find is on the journey to healing, as you take the high road as one already alluded too, I think it will create space for you to heal and grow and not create extra drama between you and your spouse. I think you may even see your spouse begin to be the one who says things eventually like 'wow what an idiot i was. i didn't want her/him, i was stupid.' it's at that point I think you'll feel far more reward by letting that happen then trashing the affair partner in front of them. i hope this helps and explains my thoughts on it.
for you untold...