I feel so sad after reading your story. Remember when Rick said "pain that is not transformed is transmitted"? I don't know your husband, but I wonder if he is feeling shame and transmitting it to you. It's not that you're not good enough. It's that he's not good enough ( in his mind). But if he accepts that he's not good enough, that's shame. So it must be you. People that feel shame ( I'm not good enough ) switch the blame. I have experienced the "it's your fault" so many times. Until I realized what was going on I felt shame. Like you, I felt "not enough". It hurts so badly. I'm working on it in counseling, but it was only when I started to look at the shame my husband was carrying that I began to be more compassionate. Don't feel you are too far along to stop a divorce. I had filed for divorce. I dropped the case, and we are working on our marriage. I am not advising you. I am just trying to share my experience. If it doesn't fit your situation, maybe it will help someone else who reads this. I hope you heal.
Response
I feel so sad after reading your story. Remember when Rick said "pain that is not transformed is transmitted"? I don't know your husband, but I wonder if he is feeling shame and transmitting it to you. It's not that you're not good enough. It's that he's not good enough ( in his mind). But if he accepts that he's not good enough, that's shame. So it must be you. People that feel shame ( I'm not good enough ) switch the blame. I have experienced the "it's your fault" so many times. Until I realized what was going on I felt shame. Like you, I felt "not enough". It hurts so badly. I'm working on it in counseling, but it was only when I started to look at the shame my husband was carrying that I began to be more compassionate. Don't feel you are too far along to stop a divorce. I had filed for divorce. I dropped the case, and we are working on our marriage. I am not advising you. I am just trying to share my experience. If it doesn't fit your situation, maybe it will help someone else who reads this. I hope you heal.