My husband takes "responsibility" for his actual actions, by saying what I did was wrong and if I could go back and change it I would. I have asked him what he said to himself that allowed him to justify his behavior...what was his internal dialog that allowed him to think that this behavior was okay. He claims he does not know. When I question him about how the affairs happened he says things like~I felt rejected by you, You made me feel like I was not important, there was just a sexual attraction and I could not resist.... which to me seems as though he is turning it back on me, and the next time there is a sexual attraction I am just going to get hurt again. I rejected him so that made this okay? SO now I can NEVER reject him? I made him feel unimportant so it was okay to find someone that made him feel important? SO now I have to make sure he feels or knows his importance in my life constantly? I am EXHAUSTED. He conveniently forgets all the things that where happening in my life during that time.
So I guess my question is HOW did you see the justification tools that you used? Do you think that someone has to see what they used as justification to make sure it does not happen again? And once you reached that level of knowledge and shared it with Samantha how did Samantha feel? Better? Worse? Did it assist her healing?
Justification
My husband takes "responsibility" for his actual actions, by saying what I did was wrong and if I could go back and change it I would. I have asked him what he said to himself that allowed him to justify his behavior...what was his internal dialog that allowed him to think that this behavior was okay. He claims he does not know. When I question him about how the affairs happened he says things like~I felt rejected by you, You made me feel like I was not important, there was just a sexual attraction and I could not resist.... which to me seems as though he is turning it back on me, and the next time there is a sexual attraction I am just going to get hurt again. I rejected him so that made this okay? SO now I can NEVER reject him? I made him feel unimportant so it was okay to find someone that made him feel important? SO now I have to make sure he feels or knows his importance in my life constantly? I am EXHAUSTED. He conveniently forgets all the things that where happening in my life during that time.
So I guess my question is HOW did you see the justification tools that you used? Do you think that someone has to see what they used as justification to make sure it does not happen again? And once you reached that level of knowledge and shared it with Samantha how did Samantha feel? Better? Worse? Did it assist her healing?