Being reminded

When he thinks of our 25 years together and how I lied to him, because my story is extremely similar to yours, he ask me if I planned to lie to him. The problem with me is I start justifying and explaining and it infuriates him. Then he accuses me of more lies. We are stuck in this cycle. I have taken the course. I am so alone. He is so angry and distant. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to take ALL of the responsibility for the way he feels. What is wrong with me?