Affair Recovery

the struggle is timeline. it really depends. keep in mind, i'm 10 years down the road. it took time, rick taking me to the woodshed, hours of reading, processing, praying, crying, yelling, screaming, insanity, and a whole lot more. so, i'm not the comparison stick at all as i've blown it a ton of times and made a ton of mistakes. there are a few things though that are must haves and these are not exhaustive and i haven't put a ton of time thinking about it, but off the top of my head and in an effort to respond quickly here are a few things at the core of recovery: 1. eventual empathy, as it takes time and will develop over time. i'd say over about a 2 to 5 year process you'll see empathy get deeper and deeper, richer and richer. it has to show up in communication, processing, during fights, in some form of communication and demeanor there must be empathy. 2. safety. she must live a safe life eventually. if she is not willing to live 'safely' for you and for her, problems will occur. 3. patience. it's a process. there are layers to it. it takes time, and energy and the right work ethic to push through those layers and get at the root of what's going on. 4. a commitment to do whatever it takes. this is between 6 and 12 months or so after disclosure. there has to be a time when she says, i'm willing to do whatever it takes. proportionate to what work you do will be her empathy, her dedication, her 'whatever it takes' attitude. if there's these things we have a problem (at least over time) 1. perpetual indifference. 2. laziness in recovery work 3. unsafe living, see this article: https://www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust-0 4. lack of competency in recovery, see above article as well for section on competency and safety as well as a blog about it. 5. refusal to get outside expert help. i hope all this helps. i'm open to keeping dialogue going if you like. talk soon and thanks for your kind words.