I can so relate to your lifetime of being with a spouse that was living in a different reality than you were. It’s not easy seeing what you thought was real, wasn’t really real when you discovered that your spouse had been lying to you for years. We never seemed to fight, either. Our marriage was built on intensity and not intimacy as I get farther away from the reality of what I believed was a decent relationship. My friend is walking with me going through the divorce. She experienced this trauma decades ago and she had tiny babies in tow. I admire her willingness and strength that she has shown me. We rarely crossed paths anymore. Now, she is keeping me accountable and helping me be proactive in learning how to navigate through divorce. With someone who continues to lie, I could no longer stay in the awareness that this could be my life going forward. While I can still find love for him, it’s going to be at a distance, now. I’m not willing to sacrifice my own safety, sanity, and what health I do have, to keep being lied to. This blog was what I needed to read this evening. I first reached out to AR and it took me another 4 months to finally get myself into HH. It was an 8 hour time difference for me and HH had one midday group starting up. We continue to talk almost weekly even though our original group keeps getting smaller. We have been through the deaths of parents, suicide, children’s weddings, and more. Even though we wouldn’t know each other if we were walking down the street towards each other, if one of us opened our mouths to speak, we would certainly wonder if that was my HH group member. Being from the east coast to the west coast, we have continued to catch up. We may go through a book,or share some tips about security, or even cooking hints. We have reached out to others in our group when we haven’t heard from them or they may be going through a particularly difficult time in their life. AR timeline is something to strive for. It’s certainly not been my case. I’m no longer willing to accept crumbs. I’m seeing that I have been allowing myself to be used for a far away 2nd place. My place is finally getting figured out and it’s a much brighter path for me than the reality that I was seeing going forward. It takes two to make a partnership work. I feel your sadness. Thank you, Jen. It’s opportune that I read your blog tonight.
35 years and multiple affairs
I can so relate to your lifetime of being with a spouse that was living in a different reality than you were. It’s not easy seeing what you thought was real, wasn’t really real when you discovered that your spouse had been lying to you for years. We never seemed to fight, either. Our marriage was built on intensity and not intimacy as I get farther away from the reality of what I believed was a decent relationship. My friend is walking with me going through the divorce. She experienced this trauma decades ago and she had tiny babies in tow. I admire her willingness and strength that she has shown me. We rarely crossed paths anymore. Now, she is keeping me accountable and helping me be proactive in learning how to navigate through divorce. With someone who continues to lie, I could no longer stay in the awareness that this could be my life going forward. While I can still find love for him, it’s going to be at a distance, now. I’m not willing to sacrifice my own safety, sanity, and what health I do have, to keep being lied to. This blog was what I needed to read this evening. I first reached out to AR and it took me another 4 months to finally get myself into HH. It was an 8 hour time difference for me and HH had one midday group starting up. We continue to talk almost weekly even though our original group keeps getting smaller. We have been through the deaths of parents, suicide, children’s weddings, and more. Even though we wouldn’t know each other if we were walking down the street towards each other, if one of us opened our mouths to speak, we would certainly wonder if that was my HH group member. Being from the east coast to the west coast, we have continued to catch up. We may go through a book,or share some tips about security, or even cooking hints. We have reached out to others in our group when we haven’t heard from them or they may be going through a particularly difficult time in their life. AR timeline is something to strive for. It’s certainly not been my case. I’m no longer willing to accept crumbs. I’m seeing that I have been allowing myself to be used for a far away 2nd place. My place is finally getting figured out and it’s a much brighter path for me than the reality that I was seeing going forward. It takes two to make a partnership work. I feel your sadness. Thank you, Jen. It’s opportune that I read your blog tonight.