I see a psychotherapist to help me get through this. She once suggested that it could be a problem with emotional maturity. Think about what happens when you tell off a child for something they did. The child will start crying, not because they understand and care about why you're upset and angry but because you being angry with them makes them fear you don't love them anymore and that scares them. I'm not saying we married children and should accept them as such but it does seem that type of personality has a tendency to be selfishly impulsive and not give much thought to how their actions impact others. They respond much like a child called out for bad behaviour. This is what I see when I try to talk to my husband. I think I'm trying to get him to understand how he hurt me, he sees the distress but feels blame rather than sympathy. It's an impasse I'm still trying to get through. How to talk to him without triggering the blame feeling. Of course he is to blame for the initial affair but it's how to move forward to be able to talk about feeling hurt and make him understand I'm expressing how I feel and wanting him to listen with understanding, even if he feels bad talking about it.
Sheila M and So Sad
I see a psychotherapist to help me get through this. She once suggested that it could be a problem with emotional maturity. Think about what happens when you tell off a child for something they did. The child will start crying, not because they understand and care about why you're upset and angry but because you being angry with them makes them fear you don't love them anymore and that scares them. I'm not saying we married children and should accept them as such but it does seem that type of personality has a tendency to be selfishly impulsive and not give much thought to how their actions impact others. They respond much like a child called out for bad behaviour. This is what I see when I try to talk to my husband. I think I'm trying to get him to understand how he hurt me, he sees the distress but feels blame rather than sympathy. It's an impasse I'm still trying to get through. How to talk to him without triggering the blame feeling. Of course he is to blame for the initial affair but it's how to move forward to be able to talk about feeling hurt and make him understand I'm expressing how I feel and wanting him to listen with understanding, even if he feels bad talking about it.