I totally agree with you about empathy. We are almost 4 years our from Dday 1, 2 years from Dday 2 and 3 months from Dday 3. We have taken every course AR offers, including EMS twice, during this time. My husband is acting better , but I see no empathy. He says he feels it and if I could just " look into his heart" I would see it. The problem is,since I don't have X-ray eyes, I can't "look into his heart". All I can go by is actions. His actions show a man who does NOT want to discuss the 20 year affair, who never comes to me to ask how I am doing or how I feel or do I need to talk or ask any questions, let's just not talk about it and things will be fine. His therapist has even told him to stop answering my questions. I bought "Worthy of Her Trust" , put it on a prominent place on the kitchen table and it has just sat there for two weeks without one word being asked or said about about it. I am about to just give up. I am no longer going to try to connect or make any effort. I'm tired of trying and getting basically no real effort back. He knows what I need from him to heal, but he won't do it because "'he wasn't raised to show emotion". My position on that is "'you are a grown man and you can do whatever it takes no matter how you were raised if you really want things to change". Result? Nothing. No change. So I'm not "getting over this" in fact my therapist says I'm getting worse. Empathy is great for those who can feel it - I am an empath- but he just isn't and I don't know how to work through it except sweep it under the rug and try to live my life separately and just do what I want and he does what he wants. We are over 60, divorce at this stage really isn't an option......
- I am an empath
I totally agree with you about empathy. We are almost 4 years our from Dday 1, 2 years from Dday 2 and 3 months from Dday 3. We have taken every course AR offers, including EMS twice, during this time. My husband is acting better , but I see no empathy. He says he feels it and if I could just " look into his heart" I would see it. The problem is,since I don't have X-ray eyes, I can't "look into his heart". All I can go by is actions. His actions show a man who does NOT want to discuss the 20 year affair, who never comes to me to ask how I am doing or how I feel or do I need to talk or ask any questions, let's just not talk about it and things will be fine. His therapist has even told him to stop answering my questions. I bought "Worthy of Her Trust" , put it on a prominent place on the kitchen table and it has just sat there for two weeks without one word being asked or said about about it. I am about to just give up. I am no longer going to try to connect or make any effort. I'm tired of trying and getting basically no real effort back. He knows what I need from him to heal, but he won't do it because "'he wasn't raised to show emotion". My position on that is "'you are a grown man and you can do whatever it takes no matter how you were raised if you really want things to change". Result? Nothing. No change. So I'm not "getting over this" in fact my therapist says I'm getting worse. Empathy is great for those who can feel it - I am an empath- but he just isn't and I don't know how to work through it except sweep it under the rug and try to live my life separately and just do what I want and he does what he wants. We are over 60, divorce at this stage really isn't an option......