Thank you. This is exactly what I have been dealing with over the last few days. Last weekend my UH found an instagram post that he truly had never seen, from about 16 months ago. It was from his AP. On the post, she indicated that she "finally found the friend she had been looking for all her life." She posted that on his insta account about a week before he broke off all contact, blocked her, etc. That's how fast the wheels were turning. Even though we are doing better in our marriage than we have in a long while, even though we completed EMSO and are now participating weekly in an MFL group, I was still shaken to the core by seeing that old post that had been laying hidden beneath the wreckage. He was right to show it to me immediately. I certainly didn't want to blow up and "punish him" for being transparent. But immediately after seeing the post I went into ptsd mode. I got nauseous, shaky, started having trouble breathing. It just brought it ALL back. Suddenly he became unsafe again. Suddenly I became the woman who got tossed to the curb. It took about two days for me to come back to myself. I felt terrible for putting him through more ptsd from me. But I recently realized that there is a hurt and sad person inside me that is just going to come out once in a while. She's just in there. She's real. I am in therapy too, and I am working on accepting all parts of myself, even the parts I don't like. It makes me feel better realizing I don't have to "manage" this hurt person who comes out when she gets triggered. She is just part of me and needs love and understanding. And she is a crucial part of the defense system I created to stay as safe as possible when danger strikes. Your post is helping me see this even more clearly! My husband is different now, my marriage is different now, and guess what, I'm different now too. Take care... all who are out there walking through this... be as kind to yourself as you would be to a loved friend!
Thank you. This is exactly
Thank you. This is exactly what I have been dealing with over the last few days. Last weekend my UH found an instagram post that he truly had never seen, from about 16 months ago. It was from his AP. On the post, she indicated that she "finally found the friend she had been looking for all her life." She posted that on his insta account about a week before he broke off all contact, blocked her, etc. That's how fast the wheels were turning. Even though we are doing better in our marriage than we have in a long while, even though we completed EMSO and are now participating weekly in an MFL group, I was still shaken to the core by seeing that old post that had been laying hidden beneath the wreckage. He was right to show it to me immediately. I certainly didn't want to blow up and "punish him" for being transparent. But immediately after seeing the post I went into ptsd mode. I got nauseous, shaky, started having trouble breathing. It just brought it ALL back. Suddenly he became unsafe again. Suddenly I became the woman who got tossed to the curb. It took about two days for me to come back to myself. I felt terrible for putting him through more ptsd from me. But I recently realized that there is a hurt and sad person inside me that is just going to come out once in a while. She's just in there. She's real. I am in therapy too, and I am working on accepting all parts of myself, even the parts I don't like. It makes me feel better realizing I don't have to "manage" this hurt person who comes out when she gets triggered. She is just part of me and needs love and understanding. And she is a crucial part of the defense system I created to stay as safe as possible when danger strikes. Your post is helping me see this even more clearly! My husband is different now, my marriage is different now, and guess what, I'm different now too. Take care... all who are out there walking through this... be as kind to yourself as you would be to a loved friend!