Forum Rules

The following rules govern use of the forums, private messages, walls, and comments. Users should observe both the letter and the spirit of these rules.

Each member is responsible for only his or her own posts. If another member breaks rules, you may ignore them or report the problem to the moderators, but you may not use it as an excuse to break rules yourself.

Moderators help manage the forums and enforce the forum rules. The moderators cannot read every message, so they rely on members to report problem posts that they encounter. The point of moderation is not to limit discussion, promote or suppress points of view, or any other secret agenda. The goal of moderation is to keep the forums supportive and free from problems that detract from the experiences of our users.

  1. Reporting. I agree to report any post that is not in line with the policy stated hereafter.
  2. No insults. No personal insults, attacks, mocking, name-calling or taunting of other users (i.e. "You're an idiot." etc.) Despite your own opinion, you can't call a moron a moron just as you can't call an idiot an idiot. Users may respectfully discuss actions or behavior but you may not make a negative personal characterization about a user. There are many other non-direct personal insults such as telling someone to shut up or excessive or repeated rudeness or sarcasm. It's not your place to tell other users they are not welcome; if they follow the rules, they are welcome. Bottom line -- don't try to tick off others and don't make discussions unnecessarily personal. If somebody else insults you, report their post; their post does not give you a license to break the rules by returning their insults.
  3. No Harassment. Do not harass or purposely intimidate users, or send unwanted or rude private messages.
  4. Registration Rules. Do not post messages that are vulgar, pornographic, obscene, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violate any laws. Do not suggest, engage, or encourage any illegal activities.
  5. Confidentiality. What is posted here, stays here and may not be shared. Do not share others' posts with anyone without their express permission, with the exception of reporting posts to moderators.
  6. No Trolling. Do not post in order to anger other users or intentionally cause negative reactions. For a given post, this can be a subjective call, but a pattern of such posting or an especially egregious case will get you banned.
  7. No advice giving. Do not give advice because everyone's situation is unique. We encourage you to search and provide links to relevant expert articles or Q and A videos from the Recovery Library. Personal testimony as to what has worked in your situation and what has not worked for you is helpful and encouraged. Likewise, do not ask for advice. For example, instead of asking, "What should I do?" ask, "What has been helpful or not helpful for you guys if you've run into this?" For any given post, advice giving can be a subjective call, but a pattern of such posting necessitates disciplinary actions.
  8. Respect. Respect others, extend a lot of grace, do not judge, criticize or condemn. Treat one another as civil human beings because we are not in grade school. This includes posts that obviously exaggerate or misstate a user's views.
  9. Generalizations. Do not make negative posts against groups of people (such as unfaithful spouses, betrayed spouses, or affair partners) or negative posts with obvious generalizations based on stereotyping.
  10. Avoid "preaching". Do not strongly urge users to do something in an annoying way. Understandably, you may have strong convictions about certain things but we do not want to impose them on other users. This includes using scripture in a shame-inducing manner.
  11. Personal information. Do not post anyone's personal identifying information in the forums or group walls. Use caution sharing your own personal information via private message. You are responsible for the personal information you share on the internet.
  12. Sexual matters. When posting about sexual matters, comments must be appropriate, not overly detailed, and written in a careful way to avoid causing offense or triggers. We strongly discourage submitting these posts in the General Forum and instead recommend they be discussed in the sub-forums of same affair role.
  13. No politics. No reference to politics or to political figures is permitted.
  14. No profanity. The profanity filter is there for a reason. Do not circumvent it by using the language we intend to exclude or by disguising those words. If a word is replaced by asterisks when you Preview or Submit a post, you know it's on the list.
  15. No off-topic posts. Respect the original poster's intent and do not change the topic of the thread. You may create your own thread if your post is divergent.
  16. Moderator actions. Do not discuss moderator actions on the public forums. If you have a question regarding actions of the moderators, FIRST READ MODERATION FAQ's, then if you still have a question email it directly to
  17. No sharing accounts. Do not login to your partner's account or use your partner's account (even with their permission). Accounts are to be used by only one person and not shared between family, friends, or any other people. Do not impersonate other individuals, or falsely represent yourself.
  18. No soliciting or advertising. Soliciting or advertising of any kind is not permitted on forums or private messages. This includes posting to promote commercial, personal, or not-for-profit websites, communities, products, or services.
  19. Deleting Content. We do not delete entire threads unless absolutely necessary, even at the original author's request. Other users take time to respond to the thread and it is disrespectful of their time and effort. Do not submit a post if you do not want it posted because only you can be responsible for what you post.
  20. Repeated problems. Any ongoing actions that make more work for the moderators or regularly annoy other users and require moderator action, are not permitted. We have thousands of forum members to serve and can't spend a disproportionate amount of time dealing with problems caused by any one user. If your membership is an ongoing detriment to our community then your membership may be terminated.