Triggers The racing heartbeat. The lump in your stomach. The pain and sorrow and anguish. If you have been affected by infidelity than you know what I’m talking about. The song on the radio. The scene in the movie. The color of the car. The hotel “they” were at. The anniversaries and infamous dates. Soon after my marriage exploded the triggers began. They were relentless. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I lost 20 lbs in one month. Everything was a trigger. Email, Facebook, text messaging alerts. My life was a living hell. I couldn’t go 5 minutes without the pain and anguish. What was my wife doing now? Where was she? What should I do? Slowly over the weeks and months and years of recovery things have gotten better. One day I only thought about the affair for 12 hours. One day it was only for 4 hours. One day I noticed I had went 24 hours without a trigger. One week I noticed it had been a week without a trigger. The triggers I did face were less debilitating. I was able to eat and function at work again. One of the ongoing, major triggers in my life was a particular location my wife and her affair partner met. Daily I would have to drive by this location to take my children to school. Daily I would get triggered. One day recently I discovered that I had not even noticed the location as I drove by. What a relief that was. Part of the Harboring Hope program I participated in at Affair Recovery taught me tools to help deal with the triggers. Practical, effective ways to stop letting the triggers control my life. Three years later I still have occasional triggers. Usually random events or situation I didn’t expect. I know how to handle them better now. I have learned to let them go quickly. They no longer rule my life. If you are facing infidelity you most likely will also have to deal with triggers. Please know that things do get better over time. You will not be faced with the debilitating pain forever.