Part 1: Interpreting Plateaus in Marriage and Recovery Part 2: Coming Soon!
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
This week, we discuss three different responses to infidelity and its recovery journey. The names of these responses may seem silly to some, but they are very common, and it is necessary to name them as parts of us that wrestle with betrayal...
Today, I’m thrilled to share my most recent interview with best-selling author Thomas Gagliano. He specializes in family-focused therapy, and is also an expert in childhood trauma, family dynamics and addiction — including the crisis of infidelity.
Last time we met, he discussed self-sabotage, infidelity and resistance to obtaining professional help. Today, Tom will be exploring the mind of the unfaithful, extracting out ways the unfaithful can feel fragmented and paralyzed. I hope, through today’s interview, you find healing and freedom from the overwhelming confusion infidelity can create, both in the marriage and in your own heart and mind. While repair work can be excruciating at times, Tom breaks down what it takes to heal both the unfaithful and the betrayed spouses, and provides a proven and strategic game plan on how to move forward.
Harboring...
When you are walking through a difficult chapter after infidelity, addiction or another significant crisis, you are likely looking for a few things: healing, peace of mind, clarity, understanding, personal restoration and perhaps even relational restoration. Ultimately, what we really want is transformation. We want this agony to be transformed into healing and joy.
We have a choice: We can either transmit our pain or we can transform it. We can do the recovery work that we need to do, we can get the expert help that we need to get, we can go through this difficult healing process and actually experience transformation — both personally and possibly even relationally. What I’m going to offer you today are four stages of personal transformation that apply to both the wayward spouse and the betrayed spouse.
Spots Are Now Available...
Part 1: You Are Not Stupid for Having Been Deceived Part 2: After Betrayal: Don’t Second-Guess Yourself Using 20/20 Hindsight
Last time, we talked about how stupid we can feel after betrayal is discovered or disclosed. It is a universal feeling that only adds insult to the injury of betrayal. It leaves us wondering: If we had been savvier, would everything have somehow been different and our spouses would not have betrayed us? There is nothing like marital betrayal to make you question everything about yourself, your reality and even your sanity.
Maybe you had absolutely no idea and now look back and wonder how you could have missed it. Maybe you did know, at least on some level, that you were being betrayed. Or maybe...
When devastation hits, we embark upon this journey of survival. We begin to wonder, “How do I survive this enormous amount of pain and trauma I’m in? How do I make it through to the other side?” Sometimes, we may even wonder, “How do I make it through today?” What I have found in my own healing from and surviving infidelity efforts is that I’m doing two things simultaneously: learning and unlearning.
As the amazing author Richard Rohr says, when we are in midlife, we are both learning and unlearning. As we grow older and start dealing with real problems in life, we start to realize that we may have to unlearn some of our coping mechanisms if we’re going to be able to heal.
I may not know what you’re facing today, but I do know that you probably came here because you could use some help, some hope and some fresh vision...
Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon. Don't Miss Out!
Spots fill up quickly, so you won’t want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week infidelity recovery course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives. Click the button below to be notified when registration opens back up.
Crisis: It doesn't knock before it enters, it doesn't ask permission, it doesn't ask, "Hey, is this an OK time for me to turn your world upside down?" Crisis just happens. I hate crises; I despise them. Yet, I have learned that my life has been shaped more by my times in crisis — and, by extension, my infidelity recovery work — than my times in comfortable situations.
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"How could I have been so stupid?" Anyone who's been betrayed has thought this, felt this and owned this at some point in time. But take it from me: You are not stupid.
Adding salt to the wound of betrayal is a series of self-doubt about who we are, what we are and how we are. After betrayal, we can doubt our value as a spouse and as a person, and we can doubt our intelligence and intuition. When we learn we've been tricked and deceived by the person we love, we can even turn on ourselves and join the proverbial pack of self-hating lions, devouring any shred of self-assurance or confidence that might have remained.
Often, we can miss or ignore the signs that something is wrong. Sometimes it is so well hidden there may not be any signs at all. After betrayal is revealed, we naturally want to play Monday morning quarterback and eviscerate our former...
EMS Weekend Is Back in Person!
Everyone has been asking and the time has come: EMS Weekend is finally back in person! Spots are selling out fast for this life-changing retreat, so make your in-person or virtual reservation today.
Today, I'm going to discuss something that's at the cornerstone of recovery for couples: How to rebuild trust after infidelity. When there's been infidelity of any kind, trust has been shattered. We've heard from marriage experts for decades that trust is the foundation of a marriage. Rick Reynolds, founder and president of Affair Recovery, says this at our EMS Weekends all the time:
"Respect is given, but trust is earned."
Join Us at the Virtual Hope Rising Conference on October 2!
Tickets are now available for our 4th annual Hope Rising Conference for betrayed spouses. Space is limited. Learn more and purchase tickets using the button below.
I think anybody who's gone through infidelity comes to the point where they ask themselves:
"Is there ever a time when there's too much damage to try and recover from?"
It's a legitimate question, and it's a completely understandable question. It's a question that a wayward spouse or a betrayed spouse feels when they're surveying the area, if you will, and wondering, "Is healing after an affair possible for us?"
When you're bombarded with messages from people who are still angry, still...
Not too long ago, someone pulled me aside and asked, “Seriously, how long is it going to be like this?” At our EMS Weekends in person, the conversations inevitably take a turn to these sorts of questions. Often, participants want to know:
I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say it: We didn’t get here overnight, and we got to this place because of one person’s choice or, maybe, both people’s choices in the relationship. It took time to get to this place that we’re at. There was a slow fade that probably happened, or maybe it was overnight with a one-night stand. But at the end of the day, choices were made over a timeline. We have this illusion that there is a quick fix, that relationships can...
