Stuck

I think this has been the hardest thing to overcome. There can be no "newness" in our marriage when we've been together for the majority of our lives. It's really hard to worship the ground he walks on when he's so destroyed my heart. The OW was NO competition for me in any other avenue of life except this one. So as a betrayed ... how do we "compete" with this fantasy? How do we "compete" with a facade?