for starters, he was probably dealing with limerance towards the other woman(women) and that's infatuatory like behavior explained by this article here: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works not excusing his behavior or justifying it, but explaining it and what we typically see. also, he was in a situation that was much like a fantasy. no bills, no bad moods, no unmet expectations, no bitterness. just fun, fantasty and escapism. it's a normal pattern. it sounds like you want him to choose you and he's not and that's sad, but that's just now. if hes not getting infidelity specific help, then i'm not sure if he knows what he should be doing and how he should be doing it. choosing you is a big deal and he needs to know what that means and looks like, but he also may not be there yet. it's understandable you'd be frustrated, but 9 months into it, it's still early and it doesn't sound like he's had infidelity specific help and that's a game changer my friend. it just is.
some thoughts for you.....
for starters, he was probably dealing with limerance towards the other woman(women) and that's infatuatory like behavior explained by this article here: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works not excusing his behavior or justifying it, but explaining it and what we typically see. also, he was in a situation that was much like a fantasy. no bills, no bad moods, no unmet expectations, no bitterness. just fun, fantasty and escapism. it's a normal pattern. it sounds like you want him to choose you and he's not and that's sad, but that's just now. if hes not getting infidelity specific help, then i'm not sure if he knows what he should be doing and how he should be doing it. choosing you is a big deal and he needs to know what that means and looks like, but he also may not be there yet. it's understandable you'd be frustrated, but 9 months into it, it's still early and it doesn't sound like he's had infidelity specific help and that's a game changer my friend. it just is.