selfishness and dysfunction

I can really relate to the comments about Jacks sexual desires being much like an addiction.  I know in trying to heal from my husband's affair, it is important to me that my husband is aware of how much of his fantasy was very selfish and dysfunctional.  Isn't the nature of alot of fantasy very one-sided?  It was not healthy intimacy and to define it as fantasy and move on feels to me like the problem is not being dealt with.  What if there are some valid differences/dysfuntions that need to be addressed?  I want my husband to look deep within himself to figure out why he acted out that way instead of becoming more healthy in our marriage.  I can relate to Missy, as i still struggle with wanting to be close again as well.  I know the personal growth in this journey is huge for both of us, but it has to be BOTH of us allowing ourselves to be honest & open to what the Lord is wanting to change and heal.......