A great article. I wish my spouse would read it to understand why I don't believe a word he says and don't trust him any farther than I can spit a watermelon seed (not far, I'm not a good spitter). He waited almost a year after Dday before he made any real effort to seek help, and even though he states his good intentions, I have yet to see them come to fruition. They are just words to me, nothing more.18 months now past Dday and I do not know any more now than I knew back then because he refuses to talk about it or answer all my questions as deeply as I need. I have no idea if he has even closed the door on their relationship or not. It's all at work (she's his "office spouse") and I cannot monitor his phone or emails or actions while he is there. I have no access to his work related technology. He says he has not talked to or texted her for 17 months, other than work related, and that he tries to avoid her. I don't believe him because he has done nothing to prove it and I have seen nothing to prove it, no transparency. To be fair, he is now stating how much he loves me, misses me,wants me home, sending flowers and cards, and trying to reconnect by asking me to go on dates, etc. He wants me to just let all this go and move on together and have a good future. And I have tried to reconnect by going on these dates, but unfortunately, until I know for sure she is out of the picture, SHE will always be on the date with us....the "elephant on the date" so to speak. His intentions may be good in his own mind, but until I have proof in the form of TRUTH (a polygraph now since it's been so long and he has lied so much) and in his actions (NO abuse of any sort and zero contact with the elephant lady), I cannot give much credit to the positives he is showing. I know I am being extremely, and probably excessively, cautious, but this was the second time - same woman. The attachment will always be there. I don't want to be played the fool for a third time. I am already embarrassed and angry at myself that I was fooled twice. Trust and true forgiveness will be a long time coming for us this time, unfortunately. I am afraid that I will be forever hyper-vigilant. The damage in me is pretty much irreparable, but I am hoping that by placing it in God's hands, I can go on to live an extraordinary life of meaning and purpose -- with or without him. Thanks for the article..
A great article. I wish my
A great article. I wish my spouse would read it to understand why I don't believe a word he says and don't trust him any farther than I can spit a watermelon seed (not far, I'm not a good spitter). He waited almost a year after Dday before he made any real effort to seek help, and even though he states his good intentions, I have yet to see them come to fruition. They are just words to me, nothing more.18 months now past Dday and I do not know any more now than I knew back then because he refuses to talk about it or answer all my questions as deeply as I need. I have no idea if he has even closed the door on their relationship or not. It's all at work (she's his "office spouse") and I cannot monitor his phone or emails or actions while he is there. I have no access to his work related technology. He says he has not talked to or texted her for 17 months, other than work related, and that he tries to avoid her. I don't believe him because he has done nothing to prove it and I have seen nothing to prove it, no transparency. To be fair, he is now stating how much he loves me, misses me,wants me home, sending flowers and cards, and trying to reconnect by asking me to go on dates, etc. He wants me to just let all this go and move on together and have a good future. And I have tried to reconnect by going on these dates, but unfortunately, until I know for sure she is out of the picture, SHE will always be on the date with us....the "elephant on the date" so to speak. His intentions may be good in his own mind, but until I have proof in the form of TRUTH (a polygraph now since it's been so long and he has lied so much) and in his actions (NO abuse of any sort and zero contact with the elephant lady), I cannot give much credit to the positives he is showing. I know I am being extremely, and probably excessively, cautious, but this was the second time - same woman. The attachment will always be there. I don't want to be played the fool for a third time. I am already embarrassed and angry at myself that I was fooled twice. Trust and true forgiveness will be a long time coming for us this time, unfortunately. I am afraid that I will be forever hyper-vigilant. The damage in me is pretty much irreparable, but I am hoping that by placing it in God's hands, I can go on to live an extraordinary life of meaning and purpose -- with or without him. Thanks for the article..