My wife and I are almost 60. Just before our 2nd anniversary (May 1983) my wife left me for just over 2 months. During this time she has sex with 4 different men. One she met at work and actually dated a time or two (or 3?). The other 3 were a result of "going drinking" with friends at a bar, dance place. She said the last one she just can't remember if she did or not. 3 of these were admitted to me after we decided to get back together. The 1st she told me while we were apart - told me in such a mean, hurtful way.
So this was 38 years ago. We've had 5 children together and are deeply in love, more so than ever. She has apologized for ever hurting me and I have apologized for being a jerk. I told her that I have a lot of questions that I DON'T want the answers to because I may not like the answers. I don't want to dwell on details.
Aside from the initial shock, I haven't really dwelled on it for 37 years. Sure, thought about it from time to time, but that was about it. Suddenly in the last year I have started to dwell...ruminate on her affairs. Picturing her in my mind doing it, how she felt, what the other guys were thinking, does she ever think about them, and stupid- but do they remember their time with her, asking questions (to myself, and I don't want answers. Too painful).
So what I'm wondering is why, after all this time does it hurt more now than it ever has? Why do I find myself dwelling on this almost every day - some days worse than others.
I know she has been faithful since then. She is the only woman I have ever been with. I know we are deeply in love, more now than ever. But suddenly...it hurts.
Is this because of the lockdowns? I know people are depressed. Is this fertile ground for old emotions to grow?
My wife knows that I think about what happened a lot, but doesn't know the depth of the pain. And I don't want to share it because I don't want to hurt her, don't want her to think I haven't forgiven her, and heaven's sake don't want her to start thinking about it if she isn't.
So long ago...still hurts
My wife and I are almost 60. Just before our 2nd anniversary (May 1983) my wife left me for just over 2 months. During this time she has sex with 4 different men. One she met at work and actually dated a time or two (or 3?). The other 3 were a result of "going drinking" with friends at a bar, dance place. She said the last one she just can't remember if she did or not. 3 of these were admitted to me after we decided to get back together. The 1st she told me while we were apart - told me in such a mean, hurtful way.
So this was 38 years ago. We've had 5 children together and are deeply in love, more so than ever. She has apologized for ever hurting me and I have apologized for being a jerk. I told her that I have a lot of questions that I DON'T want the answers to because I may not like the answers. I don't want to dwell on details.
Aside from the initial shock, I haven't really dwelled on it for 37 years. Sure, thought about it from time to time, but that was about it. Suddenly in the last year I have started to dwell...ruminate on her affairs. Picturing her in my mind doing it, how she felt, what the other guys were thinking, does she ever think about them, and stupid- but do they remember their time with her, asking questions (to myself, and I don't want answers. Too painful).
So what I'm wondering is why, after all this time does it hurt more now than it ever has? Why do I find myself dwelling on this almost every day - some days worse than others.
I know she has been faithful since then. She is the only woman I have ever been with. I know we are deeply in love, more now than ever. But suddenly...it hurts.
Is this because of the lockdowns? I know people are depressed. Is this fertile ground for old emotions to grow?
My wife knows that I think about what happened a lot, but doesn't know the depth of the pain. And I don't want to share it because I don't want to hurt her, don't want her to think I haven't forgiven her, and heaven's sake don't want her to start thinking about it if she isn't.
Confused.