I see the comments on here where I can see a lot of you are still in pain, it takes a long time and being a few years in I can relate. To me this article is not saying things are your fault, and in no way is it saying to stay in a relationship that is not safe or show no signs of change. This is a lesson I learned on my own through time that the healing process goes through emotions where you become very critical of each other, and sometimes you are right about your spouse, but at what cost and are you truly better in that moment? Maybe I'm right about this fault of theirs, but what faults of mine does he not have that I unknowingly use to push him away as well? This lesson over the past 18 months allowed me to communicate with my husband more effectively, focusing on what I needed from him, rather than just making him feel attacked or letting my emotions take over. My changes to become a better person inspired him to want to be better and to see my accountability to our success as a couple. This process helped me develop a new understanding from his perspective. I learned to understand how he felt like a failure because of his mistakes and faults, and by me working on my faults I realized its a long process to change ourselves so his changes would take time too. I Recovery is a journey with more than one turn, some places you walk it with your spouse and some you travel on your own to self reflect and grow even as the hurt spouse. Hang in there, only time will tell if you will make it together...but in the meantime learn and grow for yourself and either way you still get to move forward as a person.
Self reflection on the journey to healing
I see the comments on here where I can see a lot of you are still in pain, it takes a long time and being a few years in I can relate. To me this article is not saying things are your fault, and in no way is it saying to stay in a relationship that is not safe or show no signs of change. This is a lesson I learned on my own through time that the healing process goes through emotions where you become very critical of each other, and sometimes you are right about your spouse, but at what cost and are you truly better in that moment? Maybe I'm right about this fault of theirs, but what faults of mine does he not have that I unknowingly use to push him away as well? This lesson over the past 18 months allowed me to communicate with my husband more effectively, focusing on what I needed from him, rather than just making him feel attacked or letting my emotions take over. My changes to become a better person inspired him to want to be better and to see my accountability to our success as a couple. This process helped me develop a new understanding from his perspective. I learned to understand how he felt like a failure because of his mistakes and faults, and by me working on my faults I realized its a long process to change ourselves so his changes would take time too. I Recovery is a journey with more than one turn, some places you walk it with your spouse and some you travel on your own to self reflect and grow even as the hurt spouse. Hang in there, only time will tell if you will make it together...but in the meantime learn and grow for yourself and either way you still get to move forward as a person.