I think a lot of hurt spouses see comments about "working on/repairing the marriage" and the infidelity as a cause and effect. If the infidelity hadn't taken place, there wouldn't be discussion on repairing the marriage regarding preexisting conditions.
My marriage is a perfect example. We were in a happy, healthy, loving and respectful marital environment, full of trust. My spouse betrayed me for 2 years with 2 different women on 8 separate occasions. I found out almost 2 years ago this month and we have been married for 21 years.. It still hurts like hell but there is nothing more to talk about so we don't. I will not change who I am or how I approach my marriage. He made poor choices when offered to him by 2 desperate pathetic women, he never cared for them and never stopped loving me. A man that gave 100% to a marriage now gives 200%, sometimes it's sad because it is a reminder of the past. I will never forget what he did, or forgive what he did, I guess I have forgiven him because he is a good man. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same deep love for him anymore. I hope someday I get it back.
What annoys me the most is after someone betrays someone all of a sudden the marriage is put under a microscope. If the hurt spouse wasn't to blame then why is this approach taken? Shouldn't the betrayer be put under a microscope? I think this is how some folks take some of the articles on here and the analogies given. I have never been hurt by them but certainly understand how it could during this unbelievably sensitive time. To be quite honest, I usually skip over the analogy part and read Rick's actual message which I always find helpful.
Missing the Mark article