I’m so sorry you are going

I’m so sorry you are going through this and he refuses to do WHATEVER it takes...until. It might be time to establish some boundaries, not to control him but to protect yourself. Write a list of exactly what you need from him in order to feel safe and let him know that, he gets to choose whether or to do those things, but if he chooses not to, then let humps what you will do. Maybe an in-house separation of even living in seperate houses and filing for divorce. Just be ready to enforce those boundaries. If you give in even once then they’re not going to have the intended effect. And no matter what he does or does not do, focus on YOUR healing. Oftentimes when faced with the real possibility of losing their family, and especially when YOU start getting healthy and stronger, it lights a fire under their butts and they become desperate to save the marriage. Samuel has done some videos about that happening all the time. And even if he decides never to do what he needs to do, by doing your own recovery work, you’ll be prepared and you’ll be OK no matter what.