Infidelity and Sexual Trauma: An Interview with an Expert

MJ Denis returns to the studio to discuss sexual trauma, infidelity, and her upcoming session at Hope Rising 2019.

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What if the formerly

What if the formerly unfaithful spouse will go to therapy once a month but refuses to have anything to do with AR and won’t talk about any progress being made by IC? How does a betrayed spouse feel safe if it is never communicated to them that their spouse will do whatever it takes to make them feel safe?
It’s been 3 years and I feel like I need to accept that maybe it just isn’t going to happen. My safety may not ever be of concern and my spouse is too busy with work and other things to focus on putting what’s left of our marriage first.
I appreciate this video as it affirms what I have been feeling for so long and trying to communicate to my spouse. My IC says that any expectations I have for him only sets me up for more disappointment. I hang onto hope and I pray constantly, but some days the pain is stronger than I am.

I’m so sorry you are going

I’m so sorry you are going through this and he refuses to do WHATEVER it takes...until. It might be time to establish some boundaries, not to control him but to protect yourself. Write a list of exactly what you need from him in order to feel safe and let him know that, he gets to choose whether or to do those things, but if he chooses not to, then let humps what you will do. Maybe an in-house separation of even living in seperate houses and filing for divorce. Just be ready to enforce those boundaries. If you give in even once then they’re not going to have the intended effect. And no matter what he does or does not do, focus on YOUR healing. Oftentimes when faced with the real possibility of losing their family, and especially when YOU start getting healthy and stronger, it lights a fire under their butts and they become desperate to save the marriage. Samuel has done some videos about that happening all the time. And even if he decides never to do what he needs to do, by doing your own recovery work, you’ll be prepared and you’ll be OK no matter what.

I’m so sorry you are going

I’m so sorry you are going through this and he refuses to do WHATEVER it takes...until. It might be time to establish some boundaries, not to control him but to protect yourself. Write a list of exactly what you need from him in order to feel safe and let him know that, he gets to choose whether or to do those things, but if he chooses not to, then let humps what you will do. Maybe an in-house separation of even living in seperate houses and filing for divorce. Just be ready to enforce those boundaries. If you give in even once then they’re not going to have the intended effect. And no matter what he does or does not do, focus on YOUR healing. Oftentimes when faced with the real possibility of losing their family, and especially when YOU start getting healthy and stronger, it lights a fire under their butts and they become desperate to save the marriage. Samuel has done some videos about that happening all the time. And even if he decides never to do what he needs to do, by doing your own recovery work, you’ll be prepared and you’ll be OK no matter what.