Self-Sabotaging the Affair Recovery Process: Help for the Betrayed

Last week, Samuel discussed a few signs that the unfaithful was unsafe in their own recovery process. This week, we look at ways the unfaithful can help the betrayed partner avoid self-sabotaging or undermining the recovery process for the relationship as a whole. While each situation is unique and challenging, Samuel and special guest and expert clinician Amanda Asproni share insight into navigating the tumultuous waters of recovery. Despite the fact that it can feel impossible to overcome communication challenges in repair work, there are helpful strategies that can support both partners, while leaving their self esteem and self image intact. Today, you'll find freeing, expert-driven help for those who are feeling stuck on the road to healing and understanding following infidelity.

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Timely Information

I appreciate the discussion in this video. My unfaithful spouse and I are both hard at work in recovery, but there are still many times recently when I've felt vulnerable and anxious. The phrase "It's my fault" is very soothing; "I made a mistake" often seemed hollow to me in the beginning, because he knew exactly what choice he was making. The word mistake made it seem almost 'accidental'. But "It's my fault" is an admission of guilt that acknowledges the all-encompassing horror that the unfaithful has unleashed, but allows them to retain some dignity. Thank you for your wise words.


I cannot heal properly and move the target because he continues to talk to her. Whenever calls, he picks up or calls back. But he won't come out and tell me. I have to ask. Then before now when I asked, he would lie. I knew they were still talking because she told me. So now I'm angry and have no trust. We can't begin healing if he still is in contact.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas