Carrie,
I am very sorry your husband is unable to understand the pain that he has caused you. One thing that was very helpful for us was the EMS weekend that we did through Affair Recovery. I really felt like it helped Wayne get a better picture of how I was feeling. It also helped me get a better picture on what to expect in the healing process. You may look into doing one of the EMS weekends as it sounds like you both are in a place where you would really benifit from it.
Carrie, I am very sorry your