I also have to add that I feel like the unfaithful one even though I was betrayed. Everything Eddie describes here, describes me. I suffered alone as a child, felt shunned by peers and misunderstood, retreated often into a fantasy world where I was strong and important. It’s been hard for me to be “present” with my husband and children, I’ve always kept a part of me distant and aloof, impenetrable, safe (or so I thought). My husband’s infidelity rocked my inner world. He told me he was lonely, felt unappreciated and shoved aside, and wanted to be affirmed by me but wasn’t, so sought that affection elsewhere.
I see now that it’s possible to be unfaithful without being physically or emotionally unfaithful with another; I was unfaithful by giving most of my time and attention to ME, ignoring my partner’s longing for his wife’s love.
But!
I feel hopeful. One of the mindful things I do is to move toward my spouse, not away, when I feel the desire to run and hide. I reach for him, massage his hand or caress his face, hold him in my arms and tell him I love him. When he wants to tell me in detail the mechanical workings of a recent truck repair, I listen and ask questions, and tell myself, “This is important to my husband, and HE is important to me.”
I ask God, “Please help me to love well and to be here in the moment, especially with those whom I love. My deepest desire is to know intimacy with you Lord and with those that you’ve placed in my life.”
I also have to add that I
I also have to add that I feel like the unfaithful one even though I was betrayed. Everything Eddie describes here, describes me. I suffered alone as a child, felt shunned by peers and misunderstood, retreated often into a fantasy world where I was strong and important. It’s been hard for me to be “present” with my husband and children, I’ve always kept a part of me distant and aloof, impenetrable, safe (or so I thought). My husband’s infidelity rocked my inner world. He told me he was lonely, felt unappreciated and shoved aside, and wanted to be affirmed by me but wasn’t, so sought that affection elsewhere.
I see now that it’s possible to be unfaithful without being physically or emotionally unfaithful with another; I was unfaithful by giving most of my time and attention to ME, ignoring my partner’s longing for his wife’s love.
But!
I feel hopeful. One of the mindful things I do is to move toward my spouse, not away, when I feel the desire to run and hide. I reach for him, massage his hand or caress his face, hold him in my arms and tell him I love him. When he wants to tell me in detail the mechanical workings of a recent truck repair, I listen and ask questions, and tell myself, “This is important to my husband, and HE is important to me.”
I ask God, “Please help me to love well and to be here in the moment, especially with those whom I love. My deepest desire is to know intimacy with you Lord and with those that you’ve placed in my life.”