"Why Do I Do What I Do?" Help for Unfaithful Spouses Who Are Trying to Make Sense out of It All

Samuel interviews author and therapist Eddie Capparucci about sex addiction.

Add New Comment:

Comments

Could you please send me the article?

Samuel, you said that you would send the article once you receive. Could you please send to me when you get a chance?

Thank you!

https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-importance-of-bec

thank you

 

The Importance of Becoming the New Guy.

This website is also a another great resource Sex and Relationship and the article “The Importance of Becoming the New Guy”. Thank you Sam for all the great work you do!

As followers of Christ, we’re

As followers of Christ, we’re ALL in recovery. It’s only when we reach a place of brokenness, when we realize that all of our personal striving really leads us to emptiness in the end, that we give ourselves over fully to the Lordship of Christ and let Him do His “recovery” work in us.
I’m a recovering betrayed spouse; I lost my way in my 26 year marriage, retreated into my little safe world and didn’t love my husband well. I was happy alone in my make-believe marriage; not intimate, not loving, just going through the motions and looking like a wife on the outside. My husband retreated to affairs.
My heart is broken by the sorrow of the betrayal.
My husband’s heart is broken by guilt and shame, and such deep grief.
I told him that the Lord was picking up the remnants of our shattered hearts, piece by piece, and carefully fashioning one united heart. We see the Lord at work, but it took pain and getting our “selves“ out of the way; I wish it could have been different, but then it wouldn’t be our story and His plan.

I also have to add that I

I also have to add that I feel like the unfaithful one even though I was betrayed. Everything Eddie describes here, describes me. I suffered alone as a child, felt shunned by peers and misunderstood, retreated often into a fantasy world where I was strong and important. It’s been hard for me to be “present” with my husband and children, I’ve always kept a part of me distant and aloof, impenetrable, safe (or so I thought). My husband’s infidelity rocked my inner world. He told me he was lonely, felt unappreciated and shoved aside, and wanted to be affirmed by me but wasn’t, so sought that affection elsewhere.
I see now that it’s possible to be unfaithful without being physically or emotionally unfaithful with another; I was unfaithful by giving most of my time and attention to ME, ignoring my partner’s longing for his wife’s love.
But!
I feel hopeful. One of the mindful things I do is to move toward my spouse, not away, when I feel the desire to run and hide. I reach for him, massage his hand or caress his face, hold him in my arms and tell him I love him. When he wants to tell me in detail the mechanical workings of a recent truck repair, I listen and ask questions, and tell myself, “This is important to my husband, and HE is important to me.”
I ask God, “Please help me to love well and to be here in the moment, especially with those whom I love. My deepest desire is to know intimacy with you Lord and with those that you’ve placed in my life.”

That is really a beautiful

That is really a beautiful way to put it. As a betrayed spouse also, I didnt understand (or know about) H pain and trauma from childhood and could only see the pain he was inflicting on me. We are all broken, thank God for His love and mercy.

Excellent Information

I just ordered Eddies book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. Looks very promising.

I would love the article

I would love the article mentioned in this video

https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-importance-of-bec

thank you

 

can you, please, send me the

can you, please, send me the article?

look in other comments as it's posted

thank you

 

I think the copy and paste

I think the copy and paste may have cut off part of link. Every time I click it opens up the same comment section.