I have taken the time to read through your blog and the comments of others. Visualizing my husband with his APs has been a constant struggle for more than two years. I feel like we will never have a healthy sex life again - not because he isn't willing to work on it but because I can't get what he did out of my head. Whenever we are physically intimate within minutes my head is spinning -no matter what I have tried I can't stop picturing what it looked like when I wasn't there - when it wasn't with me. These scenes play and replay in my head. There's no way to enjoy the moment with my husband because I'm too wrapped up in my own preoccupation with visuals. I have tried everything therapists have recommended - even resorted to medication in an effort to stop perseverating - still there are certain acts that are instant triggers. I know this sounds a little like going to the doctor and saying "it hurts when I do (this) " and having the doctor reply "then don't do (that) " but I'm not sure that can bethe only solution. Afterall - if one is committed to saving a marriage- even one that has been compromised by years of infidelity- not engaging in sexual activity certainly can't be a realistic solution. There is nothing that I wouldn't try - lately I have been considering hypnosis and other alternative treatments. I just don't know what to do. I want for us to be ok. I want to have a normal healthy sex life that can be enjoyed by both of us. I just don't know how to get the visual imagery out of my head. I have hoped and prayed that it would get better over time but even after more than two years it still feels like it did when we first attempted resuming physical intimacy. Am I the only one who is stuck in my head? Does anyone have any suggestions on getting all of the APs out of your head? My bed just isn't big enough for all of us and every time I try again I am left feeling empty inside.
Can't block the visuals