My husband had left the marriage 6 months ago and it’s been about 5 months since I discovered he was having an affair which had crushed my whole world. We have been together 15 yrs and married for 10 of those yrs. when he left he led me to believe that it was because of the fighting and arguing and my bad attitude, granted that made it easier for him to leave but knowing what I know now he left me so he could have the affair. I have been trying extremely hard to save our marriage on my own and at times I feel like he wants to but he is constantly pushing me away and is very ambivalent. I’m not allow to ask him question or know anything other then what he has told me. If I try and talk to him about it he shuts down and gets defensive. He definitely has blamed me for a lot of things and has not taken responsibility for what he has done or what this has caused our family. I am so insecure about where my marriage or my life is heading. He is full of false hope towards me but says he isn’t giving me false hope. I have this sadness and dread that I walk around with constantly. I am not understanding how he is the one that had or is having this affair and yet I am the one chasing him trying to save our marriage. What makes this even harder is he is and has never been this monster that he has become and it’s just heartbreaking that his family or our marriage doesn’t mean enough to him for him to just stop what he is doing and come home. He told me as of this Monday that he isn’t with her that yes he does talk to her but he isn’t with her. They work together!!! I don’t know what to do I am so confused about everything and since he won’t talk to me or get the help we need together I am stuck. I have been going to general counseling for other issues I needed to work on but he said that he doesn’t want to go to counseling or church with me. He said that he is trying to figure things out himself. I want to fix our marriage and ourselves and become the best we have ever been but I know I can’t do it myself. I do constantly keep him and our family in prayer but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Alone and confused
My husband had left the marriage 6 months ago and it’s been about 5 months since I discovered he was having an affair which had crushed my whole world. We have been together 15 yrs and married for 10 of those yrs. when he left he led me to believe that it was because of the fighting and arguing and my bad attitude, granted that made it easier for him to leave but knowing what I know now he left me so he could have the affair. I have been trying extremely hard to save our marriage on my own and at times I feel like he wants to but he is constantly pushing me away and is very ambivalent. I’m not allow to ask him question or know anything other then what he has told me. If I try and talk to him about it he shuts down and gets defensive. He definitely has blamed me for a lot of things and has not taken responsibility for what he has done or what this has caused our family. I am so insecure about where my marriage or my life is heading. He is full of false hope towards me but says he isn’t giving me false hope. I have this sadness and dread that I walk around with constantly. I am not understanding how he is the one that had or is having this affair and yet I am the one chasing him trying to save our marriage. What makes this even harder is he is and has never been this monster that he has become and it’s just heartbreaking that his family or our marriage doesn’t mean enough to him for him to just stop what he is doing and come home. He told me as of this Monday that he isn’t with her that yes he does talk to her but he isn’t with her. They work together!!! I don’t know what to do I am so confused about everything and since he won’t talk to me or get the help we need together I am stuck. I have been going to general counseling for other issues I needed to work on but he said that he doesn’t want to go to counseling or church with me. He said that he is trying to figure things out himself. I want to fix our marriage and ourselves and become the best we have ever been but I know I can’t do it myself. I do constantly keep him and our family in prayer but I just don’t know what to do anymore.