My husband and I have been married for 29 years. I have had two d-days in those years. The first one was after 10 years of marriage, and that was an 8 year affair. The second one 18 years later that was only a year in length before my husband was caught at work and lost his job. Because I believe in forgiveness I was able to forgive him after the first discovery rather quickly. We did some counseling through our pastor and another Christian therapist. They had us both believe that as long as I forgave him we could just pray away the infidelity and move on with our marriage... 4 years later there was no change in our marital relationship, I then filed for a divorce. We were divorced for 3 years before I remarried him. We have now been married for an additional 12 years. In September 2018 was when the 2nd D-Day was. I was more crushed the second time then I was the first time. Believing God had restored us through our second marriage to each other, I would never have dreamed that I would have to deal with infidelity again, but here I am...
What I'm realizing now is that I am grieving the loss of my marriage from the first affair my husband had before our 10-year anniversary. We never sought out true infidelity counseling and therefore the things that led my husband to cheat the first time resurfaced 18 years later. Now it is going to be dealt with. Many are shaking their head at me wondering why I'm staying. And I tell them, I'm not staying yet but I'm not leaving either (29yrs and holding). I want to believe that there is hope yet for my relationship with my husband. He seems sincere that he wants change and desires to be a better person. He is remorseful and is starting to do the recovery work and doing those things that will make me feel safe. But honestly, only time will tell if we are successful at recovery. I would love the opportunity to go through Harboring Hope!
29 and holding...
My husband and I have been married for 29 years. I have had two d-days in those years. The first one was after 10 years of marriage, and that was an 8 year affair. The second one 18 years later that was only a year in length before my husband was caught at work and lost his job. Because I believe in forgiveness I was able to forgive him after the first discovery rather quickly. We did some counseling through our pastor and another Christian therapist. They had us both believe that as long as I forgave him we could just pray away the infidelity and move on with our marriage... 4 years later there was no change in our marital relationship, I then filed for a divorce. We were divorced for 3 years before I remarried him. We have now been married for an additional 12 years. In September 2018 was when the 2nd D-Day was. I was more crushed the second time then I was the first time. Believing God had restored us through our second marriage to each other, I would never have dreamed that I would have to deal with infidelity again, but here I am...
What I'm realizing now is that I am grieving the loss of my marriage from the first affair my husband had before our 10-year anniversary. We never sought out true infidelity counseling and therefore the things that led my husband to cheat the first time resurfaced 18 years later. Now it is going to be dealt with. Many are shaking their head at me wondering why I'm staying. And I tell them, I'm not staying yet but I'm not leaving either (29yrs and holding). I want to believe that there is hope yet for my relationship with my husband. He seems sincere that he wants change and desires to be a better person. He is remorseful and is starting to do the recovery work and doing those things that will make me feel safe. But honestly, only time will tell if we are successful at recovery. I would love the opportunity to go through Harboring Hope!