Hello. We have been married 15 years and have five beautiful children. My husband has had more affairs then I can count, most have been casual encounters that he immediately distanced himself from after the “act.” He has always been repentant and begged me to give him another chance. And I did, though I feel like a fool. Three years ago, he was involved a nine-month affair with a woman until I caught him. He immediately broke it off. But two and a half years later, this past November, I found out he had been involved with her again briefly. The day I found out he had been seeing someone (took her to lunch at one of our spots) and confronted him, he was so horrible to me. He denied and lashed out at me, turned off his GPS locator and did not come home that night. I knew what he was doing, He went to her house and stayed the night. Later he told me that she had plans for them to start a life together which he claims he did not contribute to but I don’t believe that. He came home the next day and did not go back to her and shortly after we discovered the affair recovery program immediately did Boot Camp and signed up for the EMS weekend. We gained a lot of traction with Boot Camp and the EMS weekend and after. He was making a real effort to be safe for me and connect with me, and our level of intimacy flourished. I felt so much love for him for his willingness to be vulnerable and patient with me. We completed the After EMS and are doing the Married for Life and participating in the weekly calls. We have couples counselors that are very good and individual counselors as well. But yet things have started to slip. He’s been very defensive with me for what he has done, or rather the way that I’m trying to cope with what he’s done. I have really made an earnest effort to not be abusive toward him, however I have slipped a few times and said some nasty things. I’ve even hit or swatted him a couple of times in anger. And of course he doesn’t hesitate to remind me of it. His defensiveness, pride, need to be right, his lack of consistency defensiveness make me feel unsafe again. So instead of trying to make him do what I need to feel safe I’m just going to do whatever I can to try to heal. And I hope that he will do the same for himself, and for us, but if not I still need to heal.
12 wks post EMS still struggling
Hello. We have been married 15 years and have five beautiful children. My husband has had more affairs then I can count, most have been casual encounters that he immediately distanced himself from after the “act.” He has always been repentant and begged me to give him another chance. And I did, though I feel like a fool. Three years ago, he was involved a nine-month affair with a woman until I caught him. He immediately broke it off. But two and a half years later, this past November, I found out he had been involved with her again briefly. The day I found out he had been seeing someone (took her to lunch at one of our spots) and confronted him, he was so horrible to me. He denied and lashed out at me, turned off his GPS locator and did not come home that night. I knew what he was doing, He went to her house and stayed the night. Later he told me that she had plans for them to start a life together which he claims he did not contribute to but I don’t believe that. He came home the next day and did not go back to her and shortly after we discovered the affair recovery program immediately did Boot Camp and signed up for the EMS weekend. We gained a lot of traction with Boot Camp and the EMS weekend and after. He was making a real effort to be safe for me and connect with me, and our level of intimacy flourished. I felt so much love for him for his willingness to be vulnerable and patient with me. We completed the After EMS and are doing the Married for Life and participating in the weekly calls. We have couples counselors that are very good and individual counselors as well. But yet things have started to slip. He’s been very defensive with me for what he has done, or rather the way that I’m trying to cope with what he’s done. I have really made an earnest effort to not be abusive toward him, however I have slipped a few times and said some nasty things. I’ve even hit or swatted him a couple of times in anger. And of course he doesn’t hesitate to remind me of it. His defensiveness, pride, need to be right, his lack of consistency defensiveness make me feel unsafe again. So instead of trying to make him do what I need to feel safe I’m just going to do whatever I can to try to heal. And I hope that he will do the same for himself, and for us, but if not I still need to heal.