On October 25th, 2017 my entire life was shaken upside down when I discovered my husband was in an emotional affair for the past 8 years that turned semi-physical. We had been married for 23 years and have 3 children, our youngest going on 6 years old at the time. I was so devastated because I never thought my husband could do such a thing. I had suspected in the past but I always believed him when he said there was no one else and ‘he swears to God’ he’s telling the truth. I couldn’t understand why this happened, we had our problems but overall I felt we were a happy couple and family. I felt so betrayed, humiliated, deceived, I had no self confidence, and I was robbed of my peace. I had so many questions but they weren’t really being answered and he would react with so much anger. I was getting little bits and pieces, and that was torture because I never knew what was going to come out next. He finally told me who she was and she was 12 years younger than us, so that was another blow to my self confidence. To top that off, there were 4 others he would frequently visit to get his ‘thrills’ (as he put it), all between 20 years younger to 12 yrs younger. At first he said nothing physical had happened, it was just flirting at her place of employment. Then sometime later it came out he bought her 1 gift, then later it wasn’t only 1 gift he also bought her clothes, then a few months later he went to her house to drop off some items she asked him to take for her, then it came out he also drove her car to pick up food for her and bought her kids gifts. After about a year from Oct 2017, he told me they had met up at a few bars during those 8 years and that he ‘only’ kissed her once. I felt like I didn’t know this man I had been married, the man I knew wouldn’t do any of these things and with a married woman as well! I felt so lost and I was in a dark place. As crazy as it seems we decided to try to make our marriage work. He promised me and everyone else that knew if our situation that he would do whatever it takes to make our marriage work; this was in January 2018, and again I believed him. In January 2019 I decided to plan a little family getaway to start the new year off with a fresh start. We had a wonderful time and for the 1st time in a really long time I was starting to feel peace. Then in mid January, not even 2 weeks after our trip I found out he had been googling this other woman for the past year, he even called her with the intent to hang up when she answered. I couldn’t even comprehend why he would do this? Why would he betray me again after seeing all the hurt and pain I went through. He says he just needed to grow up and gets it now. The thing is I have been left with so much anger towards him and at times I even feel hatred. This isn’t me, thus isn’t the kind of person I was before. I didn’t realize what it was doing to me until a friend told me she misses the old me. I’m told I need to forgive and I’ve tried with everything in me to do this again, but I’m struggling so much and I need help.
Deceived for 8 years
On October 25th, 2017 my entire life was shaken upside down when I discovered my husband was in an emotional affair for the past 8 years that turned semi-physical. We had been married for 23 years and have 3 children, our youngest going on 6 years old at the time. I was so devastated because I never thought my husband could do such a thing. I had suspected in the past but I always believed him when he said there was no one else and ‘he swears to God’ he’s telling the truth. I couldn’t understand why this happened, we had our problems but overall I felt we were a happy couple and family. I felt so betrayed, humiliated, deceived, I had no self confidence, and I was robbed of my peace. I had so many questions but they weren’t really being answered and he would react with so much anger. I was getting little bits and pieces, and that was torture because I never knew what was going to come out next. He finally told me who she was and she was 12 years younger than us, so that was another blow to my self confidence. To top that off, there were 4 others he would frequently visit to get his ‘thrills’ (as he put it), all between 20 years younger to 12 yrs younger. At first he said nothing physical had happened, it was just flirting at her place of employment. Then sometime later it came out he bought her 1 gift, then later it wasn’t only 1 gift he also bought her clothes, then a few months later he went to her house to drop off some items she asked him to take for her, then it came out he also drove her car to pick up food for her and bought her kids gifts. After about a year from Oct 2017, he told me they had met up at a few bars during those 8 years and that he ‘only’ kissed her once. I felt like I didn’t know this man I had been married, the man I knew wouldn’t do any of these things and with a married woman as well! I felt so lost and I was in a dark place. As crazy as it seems we decided to try to make our marriage work. He promised me and everyone else that knew if our situation that he would do whatever it takes to make our marriage work; this was in January 2018, and again I believed him. In January 2019 I decided to plan a little family getaway to start the new year off with a fresh start. We had a wonderful time and for the 1st time in a really long time I was starting to feel peace. Then in mid January, not even 2 weeks after our trip I found out he had been googling this other woman for the past year, he even called her with the intent to hang up when she answered. I couldn’t even comprehend why he would do this? Why would he betray me again after seeing all the hurt and pain I went through. He says he just needed to grow up and gets it now. The thing is I have been left with so much anger towards him and at times I even feel hatred. This isn’t me, thus isn’t the kind of person I was before. I didn’t realize what it was doing to me until a friend told me she misses the old me. I’m told I need to forgive and I’ve tried with everything in me to do this again, but I’m struggling so much and I need help.