Anyone who has been betrayed doesn’t usually like to revisit it too many times or type out the story you wish you could erase from your very existence which after dealing with infidelity doesn’t feel like you are even truly existing anymore.
It’s been two years since I found out that the man who had been my best friend since the age of 12 betrayed me. And to make matters worse from the time I discovered his questionable actions he treated me like complete dirt up until the day he finally admitted it to me. I lost my life that day. Everything I knew and believed in was shattered. I never felt anything so painful so raw and shook me to my very core. We have had very difficult and bumpy roads to face together since then. I now have a form of PTSD from it. I have no words what it does to you. You question everything. You are hyper vigilant and tend to over analyze everything your partner does. Your fights that you used to have before are nothing compared to the ones you have now. I have stayed. I haven’t forgiven him completely nor do I completely trust him. He knows this. In the beginning of our healing he would tell little white lies about this or that nothing crucial but it caused major issues as during this time the person who betrayed you needs to be completely honest no matter what. I have dealt with excruciating pain and some days I deal with a lot of anger. It has taken a toll on our marriage. It has changed it forever. We love each other and we want to make it work. So we work harder then we ever have, we try to be patient with one another. There are days I am full on attack mode…and he has had to learn as well as I have to deal and manage those times. I deal with constant triggers, sometimes I can’t bear to listen to a certain song or I end up turning off a movie I really wanted to watch because it has someone cheating on their significant other. I don’t know if someone who engages in a affair actually takes the time to stop and wonder how it will affect the other person or if they even care. He and I still have a very long road to walk down. We do our best to do it hand in hand. I can tell you that it changes you even if you stay it changes you….from the very core of who you were before you are no longer that person. I am standoffish from him at times because he caused me the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. You are literally for a good length of time “the walking dead”. Because you are just numb, nothing makes sense anymore…you struggle just to get out of bed and accomplish things you are responsible for. You never look at yourself the same way ever again. You can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror anymore because you see someone you don’t recognize staring back at you. You see someone that is no longer attractive and you pick apart your attributes you remember before you could look at yourself after getting fixed up and think you look pretty damn good. But those days are gone. You look at yourself as not enough. Too fat. Not pretty. It’s no picnic for either of the parties but i think when it comes to the betrayed we have a pretty shitty road to go down and we are angry because we didn’t choose it. No one stopped and asked us. No one considered us. We were forgotten, thrown away for a couple of good times. We are paying for someone else’s sin. We are the ones facing the humiliation of going to your family doctor and asking for an entire STD panel to be ran on you even though you were the one that was true and devoted. And let me assure you it is not only humiliating its extremely uncomfortable to have to have body fluids taken from certain areas to be tested and you have to relive the nightmare because of course you are going to explain why you need to be tested for everything under the sun. Like I said he and I have a rough road ahead of us. I hope 10 years from now we will still be together. But it really depends on both parties and if they choose to heal and for the person to actually own their behavior that caused this. I still believe we can overcome this are there some days I question that belief? You bet your butt I have those days when I question if all this pain and not knowing where I am or who I am anymore is really worth it. I think I will have those days for a long time to come.
Please Help
Anyone who has been betrayed doesn’t usually like to revisit it too many times or type out the story you wish you could erase from your very existence which after dealing with infidelity doesn’t feel like you are even truly existing anymore.
It’s been two years since I found out that the man who had been my best friend since the age of 12 betrayed me. And to make matters worse from the time I discovered his questionable actions he treated me like complete dirt up until the day he finally admitted it to me. I lost my life that day. Everything I knew and believed in was shattered. I never felt anything so painful so raw and shook me to my very core. We have had very difficult and bumpy roads to face together since then. I now have a form of PTSD from it. I have no words what it does to you. You question everything. You are hyper vigilant and tend to over analyze everything your partner does. Your fights that you used to have before are nothing compared to the ones you have now. I have stayed. I haven’t forgiven him completely nor do I completely trust him. He knows this. In the beginning of our healing he would tell little white lies about this or that nothing crucial but it caused major issues as during this time the person who betrayed you needs to be completely honest no matter what. I have dealt with excruciating pain and some days I deal with a lot of anger. It has taken a toll on our marriage. It has changed it forever. We love each other and we want to make it work. So we work harder then we ever have, we try to be patient with one another. There are days I am full on attack mode…and he has had to learn as well as I have to deal and manage those times. I deal with constant triggers, sometimes I can’t bear to listen to a certain song or I end up turning off a movie I really wanted to watch because it has someone cheating on their significant other. I don’t know if someone who engages in a affair actually takes the time to stop and wonder how it will affect the other person or if they even care. He and I still have a very long road to walk down. We do our best to do it hand in hand. I can tell you that it changes you even if you stay it changes you….from the very core of who you were before you are no longer that person. I am standoffish from him at times because he caused me the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. You are literally for a good length of time “the walking dead”. Because you are just numb, nothing makes sense anymore…you struggle just to get out of bed and accomplish things you are responsible for. You never look at yourself the same way ever again. You can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror anymore because you see someone you don’t recognize staring back at you. You see someone that is no longer attractive and you pick apart your attributes you remember before you could look at yourself after getting fixed up and think you look pretty damn good. But those days are gone. You look at yourself as not enough. Too fat. Not pretty. It’s no picnic for either of the parties but i think when it comes to the betrayed we have a pretty shitty road to go down and we are angry because we didn’t choose it. No one stopped and asked us. No one considered us. We were forgotten, thrown away for a couple of good times. We are paying for someone else’s sin. We are the ones facing the humiliation of going to your family doctor and asking for an entire STD panel to be ran on you even though you were the one that was true and devoted. And let me assure you it is not only humiliating its extremely uncomfortable to have to have body fluids taken from certain areas to be tested and you have to relive the nightmare because of course you are going to explain why you need to be tested for everything under the sun. Like I said he and I have a rough road ahead of us. I hope 10 years from now we will still be together. But it really depends on both parties and if they choose to heal and for the person to actually own their behavior that caused this. I still believe we can overcome this are there some days I question that belief? You bet your butt I have those days when I question if all this pain and not knowing where I am or who I am anymore is really worth it. I think I will have those days for a long time to come.