I got definitive evidence of my husband of nearly 30 years' full relationship affair with his 20 year younger coworker in 14 months ago. I say definitive evidence because until that day he vehemently denied everything. In fact, the day I saw his texts between his girlfriend (because that IS officially what she was) he still denied it, even when he and I were sitting next to each other looking at their text conversation on his phone. I am still finding evidence of how entwined they actually were. Unfortunately, just prior to finding out definitively that he had been as unfaithful as a spouse could get, I had agreed to reconcile with him. As I was in such a messed up state and didn't want to further disappoint our child (who was happy that we were reconciling), I went along with our planned reconciliation. Our child is much happier and settled now and he is being nice and sending me loving messages every day. So on the outside our family would look ok. But I am not. I have resigned myself to living in this life so our child has a stable family life. We are not fighting. We spend quality time together as a family. But on the inside, I am wandering aimlessly. He attended therapy for just 3 sessions. I've been through a full course of therapy, wanting to do more but finances just don't allow it. Reaching out on so many different platforms but not really getting any support. Is this all I can hope for? Is there any hope that I might actually feel like I love living my life one day? I don't even really feel that comfortable in my home. I share his bed but can't bring myself to move my clothes into the room. I have a few things in my bedside table in case I need to get dressed before leaving the bedroom but everything else is in "my room" that I stayed in during our separation. I don't think he even realises or is it that he doesn't care? He's never brought it up. Then again, he never brings anything up. Even when I'm noticeably affected he doesn't show any acknowledgement. Or am I just that good at covering up when I feel affected by things? I spent 12 months trying to tell him what I needed and I can't be bothered any more. I need to see that he seeks out what he needs to do. I need to see that I'm important enough to make an effort. I don't even hold out hope that I'll win this draw. I guess it's just that I have no other option than to at least try this. Something has to give.
Can I hope for actually feeling happy one day?
I got definitive evidence of my husband of nearly 30 years' full relationship affair with his 20 year younger coworker in 14 months ago. I say definitive evidence because until that day he vehemently denied everything. In fact, the day I saw his texts between his girlfriend (because that IS officially what she was) he still denied it, even when he and I were sitting next to each other looking at their text conversation on his phone. I am still finding evidence of how entwined they actually were. Unfortunately, just prior to finding out definitively that he had been as unfaithful as a spouse could get, I had agreed to reconcile with him. As I was in such a messed up state and didn't want to further disappoint our child (who was happy that we were reconciling), I went along with our planned reconciliation. Our child is much happier and settled now and he is being nice and sending me loving messages every day. So on the outside our family would look ok. But I am not. I have resigned myself to living in this life so our child has a stable family life. We are not fighting. We spend quality time together as a family. But on the inside, I am wandering aimlessly. He attended therapy for just 3 sessions. I've been through a full course of therapy, wanting to do more but finances just don't allow it. Reaching out on so many different platforms but not really getting any support. Is this all I can hope for? Is there any hope that I might actually feel like I love living my life one day? I don't even really feel that comfortable in my home. I share his bed but can't bring myself to move my clothes into the room. I have a few things in my bedside table in case I need to get dressed before leaving the bedroom but everything else is in "my room" that I stayed in during our separation. I don't think he even realises or is it that he doesn't care? He's never brought it up. Then again, he never brings anything up. Even when I'm noticeably affected he doesn't show any acknowledgement. Or am I just that good at covering up when I feel affected by things? I spent 12 months trying to tell him what I needed and I can't be bothered any more. I need to see that he seeks out what he needs to do. I need to see that I'm important enough to make an effort. I don't even hold out hope that I'll win this draw. I guess it's just that I have no other option than to at least try this. Something has to give.