It Takes Time

Submitted by T (not verified) on
I am so sorry to hear about your cancer, and that it was discovered so shortly after the revelation of your partner's affair. I wish you a full recovery in both things. While I cannot imagine how it feels to be facing cancer, I do know what it is like to live with the huge betrayal of an affair. It has been 2-1/2 years since I discovered my husband of (then) 15 years had a 10-month affair with a married co-worker. I never thought I could forgive him, even though I felt as though I no longer loved him before the affair. While he must have felt the decline in my love, I had asked for counseling for years, and felt devastated that he declined, yet handled our problems in this manner. I didn't want to stay in my marriage beforehand, and I thought for sure his affair would be the nail in the coffin. The good news is, we didn't stay in our old marriage, but created a new one, largely because HE wanted to. It took me 2 years to forgive him, but I saw him working very hard to fix the things that were broken between us. We attended weekly counseling sessions, began having dates again, and started having a couple of calls each work day. Initially, the calls were to build trust, but they also built back a connection. We look forward to hearing about each others' day. I don't know the situation between you and your partner. Nothing excuses his choice to betray you. But, 10 months is still pretty fresh for such a huge betrayal. Some things to consider: Is he remorseful? Does he want to stay with you? I know you may not feel like staying with him. I didn't want to stay with my husband. But his desire to stay together led to changes that have made our relationship new. You may not love the person he was when he betrayed you. But you might love a new him IF he is remorseful, willing to change, and willing to work to EARN your trust and forgiveness. If he can't, then moving on without him is best. I am so glad you have the love and support of your family. They are also a testimony of YOUR ability to love and trust. I have faith in that for you. I am glad you are feeling better. Please take care of yourself and love yourself.