The one I married doesn't see things the way I do. For me our marriage ended the day she had the affair. I am not saying her and I can't he a life together, but for me it is like having a good friend that you would not let anything bad happen to. We are raising two children together. I don't believe that you can break your marriage vows and then get them back. For me you only get one shot of being faithful to the person you married. I believe the Bible tells us to forgive. My marriage vows said for better or worse and a lot of people believe that affairs are covered here, but the way I see it if for better or worse covered affairs why would God turn around and tell me that I the wright to leave the marriage. Like you said a lot has been lost and for me its everything that marriage stands for. She choose to give it to someone else. It is going on almost four years after D-day for me. I am just now to where I can even begin to try to find out who I am now. At one time I was so sure of myself and knew where I wanted our life to go. Now I just take one day at a time and plan for nothing because someone will throw something at me that changes my plans and I won't have any control over it. I am in a 12 step program at church to learn how to let go of the affair. I am not in the program so I can get my marriage back. My marriage is gone. I am just trying to be happy again in life and not let the affair control 90% of my day. I can't tell you how long I will stay here. I can only tell you I am here right now. This passed Sunday at church the massage was about letting your old life die so you can have a new life. That's the way I see life after an affair the marriage has to die so a new life can start. My new life will never be marriage. I am not sure what one would call it but I don't call it a marriage maybe friendship. She tells me that she can't change what she has done in the pass. Well I can't change what the past has done to me either. We just have to meet in the middle some how. Good Luck I understand your statement of what has been lost.
I AGREE