I'm sorry to hear that most unfaithful spouses won't read this or care. On the contrary, my husband was committed to working things out. Which meant he was extremely attentive to what I needed. We read many of these articles together. I admit I asked a lot of very feeling oriented & detailed questions early on- I couldn't help myself, I was so shocked by the disclosure. Over time I was able to ask in a calmer way. It was more about fact finding & intellectualizing how & why the affair started & continued. I began to understand that asking questions I knew wouldn't devastate me were much better. I aske myself first "why do I need to know this? Will it be helpful in my healing? Is it a healthy question? Will both of us learn & grow?" Not only did I get better answers we both became more self aware & more intimate in our own relationship. Also, many of the thoughts rolling around in my heart & mind weren't as bad as I made them out to be. This statement is a mantra: real but not true. The feelings I had were real but for the most part the images were not fully true.
My husband would read, watch or listen to pretty much anything I asked him to b/c he knew it would help me. If it helped me it would create more trust, healing & intimacy which would help him! I encourage you to kindly ask your spouse to support you by reading articles like these then allow for lots of conversation after.
I'm sorry to hear that most
I'm sorry to hear that most unfaithful spouses won't read this or care. On the contrary, my husband was committed to working things out. Which meant he was extremely attentive to what I needed. We read many of these articles together. I admit I asked a lot of very feeling oriented & detailed questions early on- I couldn't help myself, I was so shocked by the disclosure. Over time I was able to ask in a calmer way. It was more about fact finding & intellectualizing how & why the affair started & continued. I began to understand that asking questions I knew wouldn't devastate me were much better. I aske myself first "why do I need to know this? Will it be helpful in my healing? Is it a healthy question? Will both of us learn & grow?" Not only did I get better answers we both became more self aware & more intimate in our own relationship. Also, many of the thoughts rolling around in my heart & mind weren't as bad as I made them out to be. This statement is a mantra: real but not true. The feelings I had were real but for the most part the images were not fully true.
My husband would read, watch or listen to pretty much anything I asked him to b/c he knew it would help me. If it helped me it would create more trust, healing & intimacy which would help him! I encourage you to kindly ask your spouse to support you by reading articles like these then allow for lots of conversation after.