follow up questions

The question today was perfect for me as that is exactly where I am-- stuck in this vicious loop and never moving forward to healing. I can sort of get behind your first point about stop asking questions, though it will be hard. But am having a hard time with the 2nd 2 points.

In point 2, is accepting a heartfelt desire to get healthy really enough? I am amazing person who only deserves the best. He also committed an unspeakable betrayal. Why would a heartfelt desire to get healthy be enough? Don't I deserve more than that? Why should I settle? He actually needs to be better, a hell of alot better, before we can even start to move forward.

In point 3, taking responsbility for my life and my happiness is something I have always done, which is how I created the amazing life that I had. But in this situation, if I work to bring happiness to myself that will by definition exclude him from my life and then I will ultimately end up without him. Because I can't control him and I can't make him make me happy. So that means I will find happiness elsewhere without him. We are trying to work together to move forward together. I just don't feel like he is doing ENOUGH. He has a very deep deep hole to fill. If he can't fill that hole, then we will never be happy together.

I would really love anyone's perspective on this because these are the exact questions I am struggling with, but unfortunately, I don't feel the answers are working for me. Thanks.