Two months ago I would have been revolted by the truth in this article. I’d always considered my draw to “friendship” with women (and hesitation toward such with men) as a simple, innocent personality trait. This “personality trait” was pointed out by my wife, and I believed she simply couldn’t understand that aspect of who I am…it was a core part of my identity. Fast forward to Aug 2024, where the discovery of a months long emotional affair I’d been engaged in was discovered. At first I couldn’t even accept that it WAS an EA, but quickly opened my eyes. I gave full disclosure after two weeks, and forced myself through prayer and intention to hear truth in the bombardment of unpleasantries that she laid on me after. The biggest truth was that my EA was NOT based in new behavior…it was simply the “one that went too far”. I’ve been working non stop and digging out the rotten core of what led me to be so willing to betray, and realize that the grooming behavior mentioned here was ALWAYS about establishing sources of love and validation. It hardly mattered who the given woman was…if I could gain her attention by engaging in most of those grooming behaviors, she would eventually reciprocate. It all seemed innocent, but the reality is that it’s a core trait of an unsafe, undedicated, and untrustworthy partner. I’ve come to realize that addiction to love/validation IS that rotten core, and that a massive amount of recovery work is needed in order for me to expunge it from my identity.
Love/validation addiction
Two months ago I would have been revolted by the truth in this article. I’d always considered my draw to “friendship” with women (and hesitation toward such with men) as a simple, innocent personality trait. This “personality trait” was pointed out by my wife, and I believed she simply couldn’t understand that aspect of who I am…it was a core part of my identity. Fast forward to Aug 2024, where the discovery of a months long emotional affair I’d been engaged in was discovered. At first I couldn’t even accept that it WAS an EA, but quickly opened my eyes. I gave full disclosure after two weeks, and forced myself through prayer and intention to hear truth in the bombardment of unpleasantries that she laid on me after. The biggest truth was that my EA was NOT based in new behavior…it was simply the “one that went too far”. I’ve been working non stop and digging out the rotten core of what led me to be so willing to betray, and realize that the grooming behavior mentioned here was ALWAYS about establishing sources of love and validation. It hardly mattered who the given woman was…if I could gain her attention by engaging in most of those grooming behaviors, she would eventually reciprocate. It all seemed innocent, but the reality is that it’s a core trait of an unsafe, undedicated, and untrustworthy partner. I’ve come to realize that addiction to love/validation IS that rotten core, and that a massive amount of recovery work is needed in order for me to expunge it from my identity.