Part of what you said hit me like a baseball bat – it's not until the pain is worse than the pleasure until something changes.
I am the betrayed. I think that scenario applied to, not only me, but also my spouse. I think that the pain he endured, in dealing with my ADHD (The feelings of loneliness, rejection, disrespect, being ignored/2nd fiddle, a chaotic and cluttered house) became worse than the pleasure (along with several other things, including a lack of true communication & intimacy). For me, the pain of his infidelity, was my 'rock bottom'that made me wake up, realize the depth & reality of his pain. Now, we are in limbo, do we each choose to stay or choose to go? It seems it should be simple- we both love each other immensely, but "the pain of the past is amplifying our fears for the future". We've been married for 20 years. He fears that the changes that have occurred will not be lasting and he'll be tossed right back into the cycle of things improving for a little while, then getting bad again. I fear that he could emotionally attach himself to another and at minimum, have another emotional affair, and now that the line has been crossed, possibly another physical affair as well.
I would at least like to try for resolution, but he doesn't know if he wants to come or go and simply start a new, and has been this way for well over a year now. I fear losing him altogether, without knowing if we could have made it or not, but am about to the point that the pain of limbo is more than I can handle.
Part of what you said hit me
Part of what you said hit me like a baseball bat – it's not until the pain is worse than the pleasure until something changes.
I am the betrayed. I think that scenario applied to, not only me, but also my spouse. I think that the pain he endured, in dealing with my ADHD (The feelings of loneliness, rejection, disrespect, being ignored/2nd fiddle, a chaotic and cluttered house) became worse than the pleasure (along with several other things, including a lack of true communication & intimacy). For me, the pain of his infidelity, was my 'rock bottom'that made me wake up, realize the depth & reality of his pain. Now, we are in limbo, do we each choose to stay or choose to go? It seems it should be simple- we both love each other immensely, but "the pain of the past is amplifying our fears for the future". We've been married for 20 years. He fears that the changes that have occurred will not be lasting and he'll be tossed right back into the cycle of things improving for a little while, then getting bad again. I fear that he could emotionally attach himself to another and at minimum, have another emotional affair, and now that the line has been crossed, possibly another physical affair as well.
I would at least like to try for resolution, but he doesn't know if he wants to come or go and simply start a new, and has been this way for well over a year now. I fear losing him altogether, without knowing if we could have made it or not, but am about to the point that the pain of limbo is more than I can handle.