Thank you for presenting this topic! I am the betrayed and even though my husband is kind? and trying he ignores what I really have wanted which is truth, transparency and for him to stop running away from discussions about the affair...so I persist and initiate and right off the bat I am not happy!!. He says it's never enough for me and I realize he is right....it isn't what I need in order to heal so it is not enough for me. No matter what he does I am not willing to brush everything under the carpet because he feels ashamed or whatever he's feeling. He trickled truthed for 16 months and since he did not reveal unless I found out, no trust is left in me for anything he says including that he loves ME. His gestures are received as manipulation and control so I can take him back with minimum distress for him. In my heart, his comfort is still more important than my pain. So, after 19 months of separation I am considering moving on because of this. He hasn't "heard" me just like before the affair.....didn't want discussions about the marriage, didn't participate in marital counseling, too much effort so he chose to start a relationship elsewhere. He feels he is making tremendous progress but I see the same patterns that will eventually lead us to divorce anyway. I feel so sad to see that even this devastating incident has not opened his eyes to the fact that he lost me when he had the affair and that too little too late will not endear him to me. I don"t need kisses and dinners, flowers and I love you's......this might have helped before his affair. Now, it is hollow and sad to me because of the deep wounds he has inflicted on me. I long for the day when what he does is enough for me and I truly heal or the day I have moved on and have healed alone. Limbo is a lonely and scary place to be.
Never Enough
Thank you for presenting this topic! I am the betrayed and even though my husband is kind? and trying he ignores what I really have wanted which is truth, transparency and for him to stop running away from discussions about the affair...so I persist and initiate and right off the bat I am not happy!!. He says it's never enough for me and I realize he is right....it isn't what I need in order to heal so it is not enough for me. No matter what he does I am not willing to brush everything under the carpet because he feels ashamed or whatever he's feeling. He trickled truthed for 16 months and since he did not reveal unless I found out, no trust is left in me for anything he says including that he loves ME. His gestures are received as manipulation and control so I can take him back with minimum distress for him. In my heart, his comfort is still more important than my pain. So, after 19 months of separation I am considering moving on because of this. He hasn't "heard" me just like before the affair.....didn't want discussions about the marriage, didn't participate in marital counseling, too much effort so he chose to start a relationship elsewhere. He feels he is making tremendous progress but I see the same patterns that will eventually lead us to divorce anyway. I feel so sad to see that even this devastating incident has not opened his eyes to the fact that he lost me when he had the affair and that too little too late will not endear him to me. I don"t need kisses and dinners, flowers and I love you's......this might have helped before his affair. Now, it is hollow and sad to me because of the deep wounds he has inflicted on me. I long for the day when what he does is enough for me and I truly heal or the day I have moved on and have healed alone. Limbo is a lonely and scary place to be.