My dday was January 5, 2017. The husband of my husband's AP called me at work and filled me in on the nearly long year affair. I found AR and your blogs almost immediately, reading and listening to all I could to make sense of what had happened. We didn't have a fantastical marriage. WE had our share of ups and downs and then I guess during one of the downs he felt as if it were over (apparently because I told him it was) and almost simultaneously this old friend from high school calls him and in a matter of weeks he was in her state in a hotel room....they kept in touch, her facilitating all of it. He told her it was done. He wasn't feeling right. He still loved his wife he told her in September. Still communication via text and just a day or two after New Years he met with her again and the husband knew and filled me in. I was in shock for sure. Looking back the way my body felt, my mind, the way I moved was almost out-of-body. He seemed remorseful, crying and crying, begging for me for our marriage to be saved. We separated for 3ish months but seemed right when he came home and I wanted it and it seemed he wanted it. All the while she has been texting him, calling him using different phone numbers every time (because he blocked the number he knew). He never responded to her. This last point of contact was in August. A total rip down of him by her. Slamming me. Slamming him. Blaming him for breaking her heart and ruining her life. He shared the text with me and although I thought we talked it thru he hasn't been the same since. So much so, that I asked him to leave again and so we have been separated since August.
Through all of this I have been in therapy, I'm 9 weeks in to HH, reading, watching blogs, meeting with my priest on occasion. He has done very, very little. As a matter of fact, I would not even call it trying. WHY????? He doesn't want to be with her. Hasn't reached out to her. I've told him to! Go be with her. I am in a major rut. I will sleep as soon as my kids leave the house for school. They are teens, 4 of them, and they do not know what their father has done, they just know we are separated and trying to work it out. They don't see me fall apart. The joy has been sucked out of me.
Why doesn't he care enough to help me get thru this? Why has he abandoned me? Why isn't he grateful I was willing to forgive and move forward? Why won't he go to therapy? WE communicate about children, work, business and house stuff, but he hasn't reached out to me personally in months.
I've had very few days of joy since dday and coming into the holidays and the year anniversary, I'm feeling more alone than ever. The only joy I get is from my children--their accomplishments. My oldest and only son, who is graduating this year was just awarded MVP of his football team. This is my joy I suppose, but there a huge hole there as well.
I miss my husband! Why is it that the betrayed are always the ones fighting for their marriage? I feel it should be the other way around.
My dday was January 5, 2017.
My dday was January 5, 2017. The husband of my husband's AP called me at work and filled me in on the nearly long year affair. I found AR and your blogs almost immediately, reading and listening to all I could to make sense of what had happened. We didn't have a fantastical marriage. WE had our share of ups and downs and then I guess during one of the downs he felt as if it were over (apparently because I told him it was) and almost simultaneously this old friend from high school calls him and in a matter of weeks he was in her state in a hotel room....they kept in touch, her facilitating all of it. He told her it was done. He wasn't feeling right. He still loved his wife he told her in September. Still communication via text and just a day or two after New Years he met with her again and the husband knew and filled me in. I was in shock for sure. Looking back the way my body felt, my mind, the way I moved was almost out-of-body. He seemed remorseful, crying and crying, begging for me for our marriage to be saved. We separated for 3ish months but seemed right when he came home and I wanted it and it seemed he wanted it. All the while she has been texting him, calling him using different phone numbers every time (because he blocked the number he knew). He never responded to her. This last point of contact was in August. A total rip down of him by her. Slamming me. Slamming him. Blaming him for breaking her heart and ruining her life. He shared the text with me and although I thought we talked it thru he hasn't been the same since. So much so, that I asked him to leave again and so we have been separated since August.
Through all of this I have been in therapy, I'm 9 weeks in to HH, reading, watching blogs, meeting with my priest on occasion. He has done very, very little. As a matter of fact, I would not even call it trying. WHY????? He doesn't want to be with her. Hasn't reached out to her. I've told him to! Go be with her. I am in a major rut. I will sleep as soon as my kids leave the house for school. They are teens, 4 of them, and they do not know what their father has done, they just know we are separated and trying to work it out. They don't see me fall apart. The joy has been sucked out of me.
Why doesn't he care enough to help me get thru this? Why has he abandoned me? Why isn't he grateful I was willing to forgive and move forward? Why won't he go to therapy? WE communicate about children, work, business and house stuff, but he hasn't reached out to me personally in months.
I've had very few days of joy since dday and coming into the holidays and the year anniversary, I'm feeling more alone than ever. The only joy I get is from my children--their accomplishments. My oldest and only son, who is graduating this year was just awarded MVP of his football team. This is my joy I suppose, but there a huge hole there as well.
I miss my husband! Why is it that the betrayed are always the ones fighting for their marriage? I feel it should be the other way around.