Q&A How Can I Stop Comparing Myself to the Affair Partner?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I can’t stop comparing myself to the AP. Besides being 15 years younger, (naturally better skin, firmer body, long, thick hair etc.) she is also highly educated, extremely smart, funny, well-traveled, interesting, rich (thus able to leave her kids with a nanny so she could go have sex with my husband), and very exciting in bed. It seems when most people ask questions along these lines it is assumed that the unfaithful affaired down, but my husband didn’t. He found someone superior to me in every possible way. My only claim to fame is my faithfulness to my husband, but he didn’t give a flip about our oneness, so what good is that? Please don’t say its apples to oranges because affair relationships aren’t like real relationships. He was in a limerent relationship with me when we married 16 years ago. Then he found a more exciting limerence with her. I am tired of being ashamed to be naked around him or even to wear shorts. I can’t compete with her, “perfect, tight ass.” (His words) He had many choices between me and her and picked her every time. He even canceled a date with me, told our babysitter to stay home, and then took her to the same show we were supposed to see on the same night. He was very obviously making comparisons, and I was the loser. I am avoiding ordinary life and movement, even holding it when I need to pee, squatting when bending would make more sense, asking my son to get things for me, because I am so ashamed for him to see my disgusting body now that he knows every square inch of her great body. I feel absolutely paralyzed. Please help me reclaim my life and provide any resources you can that might help me gain freedom in this area.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas